Wednesday, June 08, 2005

CANCER

I went to lunch today with my mom, my aunt, a cousin & a sister in law. I'd asked my aunt where Lola was & she told me she hasn't been feeling well. Lola found a lump & its in her lymph nodes. She's already battled breast cancer twice, this lump is by her neck/shoulders. Lola had gone to the Drs. on Monday & expecting tests by Friday. About 5 minutes later, my moms cell phone rings & while my mom is talking we can see she's getting very shaken up & starts to cry. After she hangs up she said it was Lola & that her lump is cancerous. Lola wanted to call while her mom was with all of us, so she wouldn't be alone when told.
My poor aunt. She lost her husband last year & has battled breast cancer herself. She started sobbing, heartbroken & my heart hurt so much for her. I so wanted to take away her hurt, her worries, to fix things. I sat by her & hugged her, reminding her what a fighter Lola is. And believe me, she is!
The waitress, hearing my aunt upset, asks whats wrong. My aunt starts telling the waitress in spanish that her daughter just found out she has cancer. I can tell the waitress asked if its breast cancer, by my aunts answer. She said no, but that her daughter has had breast cancer as well as her. The waitress hugs my aunt & comforts her.
Listening to her speak such a beautiful language so fluently reminds me that in my family, once my mom & aunt are gone, so is spanish. And for some reason at this moment I find such comfort in hearing her speak spanish. So many in my moms side seem to have died & my grandma's 2 sisters are very, very old now. 1 is the same age as my aunt, 84 & the other is in her 90s.
I never met my grandma as she died at age 50 of brain cancer. Somehow with these 2 other great-aunts aging so quickly, my aunt sobbing & my cousin with cancer, sadness is so near.
I want so much to hold my aunt so that she never goes away or hurts. And I want to protect my mom from ever getting hurt or sick. Although I've only spoken to my great-aunts a few time, I don't want them to age anymore.
Mostly though, there is Lola. We both have a sister, but for some unspoken reason, Lola & I have always been more like sisters. She's at least 15 years old than I am, but she holds such a dear & special place in my heart. Some people, without cause or reason, just take precedence in our lives. Lola is one of those people.

posted by jane at 2:31 PM