Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Aunty

Have you ever started to write a blog entry & didn’t finish it? I actually did finish part of this story & put it in a meme, but later deleted the entire meme as I wasn’t ready to ‘see’ what I’d written about; not this particular story. Since then, I’ve started to write about this again & saved it in drafts. But now, the time has come for me to complete this.
In June I went with my mom to my 85 year old aunt's Senior Living Apartments. A pianist, Matthew, played a repertoire of songs Mama Grande (my Grandma) & Aunty used to sing. These were songs neither Mom nor Aunty had heard since their childhood; many my mom didn’t even remember. Mama Grande had a beautiful voice & they sang together in church, operas, plays, and for parties. As the pianist played, Aunty sang along to some Mexican songs and to others she & my mom had tears flowing down their cheeks. Many of the other senior residents sang along to familiar songs from the 20s & 30s. One time when I looked over at Aunty, I saw in her eyes a little girl who knew it wouldn't be too long until she’d be singing with her Mom again, but this time it would be forever.
I knew MamaGrande was with us on that day, I could feel her, even though I've never met her or felt her touch before. But this was undeniable. I felt her smiling down at her girls, her beautiful face glowing, so filled with love & joy.
In May or so, my cousin Lola, Aunty’s daughter was diagnosed for the 3rd time with breast cancer. As any mother would, my Aunty prayed that God take her & spare Lola. Oddly enough, another aunt, Aunt Julia, did the same when her daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1996 & within 6 months, she passed away of cancer. Now, I don’t believe God took my Aunt Julia to spare her daughter, it’s just an odd coincidence.
Back in June when I saw that childlike look in Aunty’s eyes, something told me she wouldn’t be with us much longer. I had that feeling again as her 85th birthday approached 2 weeks ago.
Aunty was taken to the hospital on Monday & they’ve found a spot on her pancreas. They’re testing to see if it’s cancerous, but my mom says it doesn’t look good as her skin is very yellow. The doctor has recommended hospice when she’s released from the hospital. I spoke with her last night & even though she’s 85, it was the first time she ever sounded old. Actually, tired is more accurate. While I don’t want my aunt to suffer, but I selfishly don’t want her to die.
One of my observations with those terminally ill has been a deep spirituality & acceptance; actually a transcending peace. It seems it’s always hardest on those staying here on earth. I’m going to visit her tomorrow & am trying to prepare myself, so I don’t cry in front of her. Every day she’s still with us will be cherished by all of her loved ones.

posted by jane at 5:33 PM