Tuesday, September 13, 2005

frustrated (post 1 or 3)

I'm so frustrated right now. I've given up trying to improve my vocabulary, its just no use. Don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm not. My memory is so shot that I can keep reading the same sentence over & over & not even know that I am. I guess I'd be an easy one to tell the same joke to.
I started reading my sewing pattern & also this book I got on webpage designing, but it's not just those 2 things, it's ANYTHING. Any book I read, details of movies or talking with someone on the phone, I just can't remember.
I'm on so many damn medicines, who knows what the long term effect is on ME. If I can't learn or READ anymore, there really isn't any ME anymore. I love to read, to learn about new things.
My vocabulary has become so limited the last few months, my punctuation isn't what it used to be. The words I use are probably junior high level at best & this isn't what I was. I can't pull words out of my memory anymore.
My mom just lets me interrupt now because she knows I won't remember what I was going to say.
My temperment has even changed. I used to be so happy go lucky, now I'm so cynical. I can be so rude to people & now I'm trying to catch myself when I realize it. Tarzan even has noticed & is concerned about all these medicines.
I see my psychiatrist today, but the bad thing is, all these doctors make their living off of me staying on medications. I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING RETARD!
I can't put this in any post in any order. There was stuff I wanted to say but didnt, why? why else? I can't remember.
I turned off the comments just because I have to get this off my chest, but can't bear any comments.
I am not depressed, just coming to grips with reality. It's like when you're batting in baseball & you finally quit trying to pull an outside pitch & just go with it.

MR. PHYSICIAN, MR. NEUROLOGIST, MR. PSYCHIATRIST,
I'D LIKE MY BRAIN BACK PLEASE.
SINCERELY,
JANE CITIZEN

posted by jane at 1:45 PM