Sunday, September 04, 2005

Sunday 9/4/5

The past few days haven't been the best, but then, they haven't been the worst either. I can honestly say things are looking better from inside of me. There seems to be larger gaps between the crying fits. My therapy session is this Friday, so knowing that is a relief & I plan on telling her about the extreme lows & how quick my moods change.
Also & most importantly, things are all worked out with Tarzan, who is actually my #1 listener & comforter & any other 'encourager' type of word that fits in there.
Our talk finally happened this morning, I woke up really early & woke him up. I won't say what our conversation consisted of, but it was heartfelt on both our parts. Before Tarzan, I didn't know what it meant to be 'in love' with a man. Or to have someone to count on. I know he isn't perfect, but he's all I've ever wanted.

I did go this morning with Cavegirl to the Universal Unitarian Church & well, it wasn't really what I was looking for. (Is a Universal Unitarian Church different than a Unitarian Church?) In 1 word, it was pretty boring. But in all fairness, I must say, when I attended church as an adult, I attended Evangelical Pentecostal Churches. I see some heads nodding 'ahhhh'...'now we understand.' It's possible that I may attend there one more time but I doubt it. That church was closer to Cavegirl's and it definately wasn't up her alley, she said the people scared her. No reason why, she's just like that. I'm going to look into Sikh Gurdwara. I also want to see if there is a local Buddhist or Hindi church/temple.
We went out to lunch afterwards & talked forever & then when I took her home I visited my grandbaby's (their 2 puppies), then I went to the bookstore where I FINALLY bought my Michael Buble's CD (omg) of whom I will GLADLY offer my uterus to!!! As a matter of fact, I'd pay him to USE my uterus! (I think) That man (well, from my age, he's really a boy, ugh now paying him to use my uterus sounds kinda gross) okay, that young man has the purest voice of....oh gosh I just wish I were 20 years younger!!! The CD I got is called "It's Time" and let me tell Mr. Buble if he happens to read this, "Yes, it is time!" (lol I'm probably making someone puke)
Well, so I got Cavegirl a bible she wanted & then I got a book on webdesigning. It's something very foreign to me & I want to challenge my brain. I think it must be a fascinating field. I'm doing this as a hobby, so no pressure.

Back to reality for a few, you've all been so supportive, I wanted so much to say "I'm all better", and I am better, just still having some tough moments. I've opened up more people so if they call, I'm free to cry. Sometimes the crying is about nothing at all, others an overwhelming sadness. (Since I 'saved as draft' earlier, I've had another bout of crying) I think it's just something I have to LIVE thru right now. Keyword: LIVE. As long as I keep living, it's cool.
But I did get a sewing table!! They had one at Costco!! (Since I wrote this earlier, we've put the sewing table in it's place! ready for lift-off!) And went for a walk with Cheetah & Tarzan & it's been really nice weather.
Tomorrow is a holiday so I don't have to beg Tarzan to stay home sick, which is a relief for me & I'm sure it will be a relief for him too. Enough about me though, I've got some serious catching up to do on all of your blogs & that's what I'm going to do right NOW! :)

posted by jane at 4:31 PM