Saturday, September 10, 2005

Tired of her nagging voice? HA

Have you ever hated someone's nagging voice so much you were glad when they died? Well, I haven't, but I'm sure there's someone out there who has. Not even death may bring you solace anymore...

Last year, CIO came out with an announcement of a new product called, "Talking Tombstone." It's a pre-recorded message & video that can be programmed into a deceased one's headstone. This device, invented by Robert Barrows of California (did you really expect him to be from any other state?) will operate using a simple video play device, TV monitor, remote control & speakers or headphones.

Now, a second company has come out with a similar idea. This one is by Vidstone and called the "Serenity Panel". It's also in the headstone but has a latch-door for bad weather. The video can be from 5-10 minutes & is viewed on a 7" LCD panel, but this can be attached to a gravestone, mausoleums & columbariums. I have never heard of a columbarium, so I looked it up, here is the definition: A vault with niches for urns containing ashes of the dead.

At this website, it actually has an example of a Serenity Panel if you'd like to see it. I watched about 30 seconds of "John Doe" and got creeped out. Everything about funerals creeps me out. I think the funeral director's skin is a weird grayish color & I imagine that if you touch it, it probably feels waterlogged. Why is their voice so monotone? (Did you know in California, we have no law against doing things with dead bodies? like 'things') Funeral homes smell like gardenias, as a result, I hate gardenias. I hate open casket funerals & viewings. I don't like seeing dead people. Especially those who died a violent death. They always dress them in stuff they'd never wear & put on way too much makeup.

I'm surely in the top 1% of the biggest cowards in this category, so you're much more likely to want to view this (for more than 30 seconds) than I was. If so, click here.

Can you imagine being in the plot next to DEAD Aunt Gladys & her never-ending talking headstone, "You're going to shoot an eye out, young man!", "You'd better eat those greens.", "You're Uncle went blind doing that!" And what are you going to do? Shoot yourself? Good luck! You're already DEAD! Hopefully your relatives will love you & buy you a talking headstone too that tells hers to, "Shut the hell up!"

posted by jane at 10:56 PM