Monday, August 22, 2005

re: 3t's and Henny's comments

3T said: Sorry I misunderstood the last post :{ I'll read closer now.

First I must tell you all, 3T qualifies for having the sweetest heart in all of Blogistan. 3T, you did nothing wrong! After I read my post it did look like Al & Patty were a couple. I just wanted to say why I was changing it. I didn't want people to read your comment & wonder why you mentioned them as a couple when I stated they weren't, lol. So I was just backin ya up girlfriend.
Please don't ever ever ever apologize!

Henny said...
I want to know if anything changed or was fixed or ,you know, while you were there? I want to know how you are getting along with your son now. Hope I'm not repeating words here. I am glad you are back and I LOVE the new look. You must be feeling a little better.

Henny, Yes, I'd say 4 things have changed. Caveboy & I talked, I asked him when bad things happen to him if he blames me & He said, "Nooooo, just the opposite. I worry when bad things happen to you that it'll be my fault." Awww, my baby boy. I told him "No, never!" So, we're both accepting self-responsibility for our own accomplishments & screw ups. I'll have to write a blog about him one day, he's an amazing young man.
2nd thing: I'm having a memorial service for my brother, Osama. It's therapist & mother approved! Even my kid, Tarzan & my sister know about it & all think it's a good idea. It's to put to rest the brother that I knew. The brother that loved me for probably a total of 7 years out of my entire life. That brother no longer exists. So, I'm going to write our happy memories & probably put them in a small box & have a little service by myself. It's nothing I'm taking lightly & will be a very solemn service. I've also decided that I won't be attending anything where Osama will be, anybody that has a problem with it can be my guest at a psychiatric hospital of their choosing, for a week. I'll even visit em once. After that, I will look at my siblings as 2 brothers, instead of 3, and 1 sister. Right now, it's my only solution.
3rd thing: Carla (I think that's the pseudo name I gave her), the lady I tried to help last week, has let the bitterness she has towards her family ruin her life. Watching her has made me take a good, hard look at how much power I've given my brother's hatred over my life. So, I'm starting to see my therapist again, continuing with my pdoc & mostly, do things like JC has suggested to me:read happy words, watch funny movies, go swing, get out of the house, even if it is just for a walk, get a massage, whatever you can do. Today I went swimming in the morning & it was so invigorating! (btw, Carla called last night & she's back in the hospital. I'm just glad she is safe.)
Lastly, I learned from my roommate, Snagglepuss, not to be a pessimist. I finally told her one day that if somebody gave her a million dollars, she'd find something wrong with that. She just saw the worst in everything. The worst part was, she didn't remember what she said 30 minutes before so she'd repeat the same whining over & over again. At one point my pdoc was going to get me out, but believe it or not, the other room were worse.
I must say though, yesterday while grocery shopping, I kinda held my head down. I didn't want anyone from the nuthouse to recognize me. And while I'd probably encourage someone else to 'hold their head high', it's different when it's you. It's just something I have to work through & a little humbling, I suppose.

posted by jane at 3:54 PM