Thursday, August 18, 2005

Just call him Mr. Maher

I had a boyfriend while in the mental hospital & his name was Mr. Maher. That's not really his name, but he looks like he could be Bill Maher's dad, so that's what I call him. I didn't notice him at first, he was one of three old men tucked away in the hallways, stuck in these reclining wheelchairs with trays on them. So, the nurses would settle them in there for the day, snap the tray on & there they'd stay until late at night; sometimes all night. There was no way to could get out of the chairs or manuever them.
Mr. Maher was a yeller. That's how he caught my eye. (or was it my ear?) I mean he SCREAMED! What he was screaming I wasn't sure, but nobody liked it. Nobody liked him either. After I found out why, I found it rather funny, but also sad.
My first night when I went to sleep Al, #2 man sleeping in the hallway chair kept making loud noises & waking me up. So, the next day my psych. gave me a sleeping pill. Didn't work. The following night I was sound asleep & there was an extremely loud yell, as I was awaken my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.I got up & walked up the hallway to Mr. Maher & asked him, "would you please not yell?" To which he said, "I just want to go to bed." I walked over to the nurses station & told them he'd like to go to bed. They said he'd fall out of bed, he had to stay in the chair. My heart just broke for the guy. I told him I was sorry but they wouldn't move him. It was evident, he wasn't mean, but actually had a very kind spirit.
The next day, in the t.v. room he said he had to go potty & wanted me to go get a nurse. Aha, here was my chance! I said okay, BUT...if I did, he couldn't scream in the rooms while Jan* or I were in there anymore. He agreed! I went & got him a nurse.
During my psych. session, I told him I couldn't sleep & he asked why I thought everybody else could, I said because they're all drugged out of their damn minds. He increased my sleeping pills greatly & after that I had no more sleeping interruptions.
I'd say hi to Mr. Maher & talk to him whenever I walked by. I must admit, for being an older man, say later 60s, early 70s, he had the cutest smile, it just lit up his face. I'd fix his socks or pull down his pant legs, put his blanket around his shoulders if he were cold. One time I put the blanket around him like a sheik & we both laughed. He didn't have any visitors.
At breakfast one time, he wanted his tray taken off his chair-tray, so I got up to take it off, but the nurse said he'd do it. I told the nurse he wanted to leave the dining area. They just left him there. Then I mentioned to Mr. Maher something about going outside & he said he'd like to go outside. (they NEVER take them outside) I told the nurse Mr. Maher wanted to go outside & could he if I went with him? He said okay. Out we went, and he called me his angel. I asked him if he wanted some black coffee & he smiled and said, "Oh yeah." I got him 1/2 a cup & he was in heaven.
I was asking him about his family, grandkids, etc. Don't know if any of it's true, but it doesn't matter. Then, I asked him why he yells so much, I mean it's SO loud! He says that's the only way he gets anything done. And you know what? He's right.

It made me so sad to think that these 3 men who are stuck in these wheelchairs day in, day out, must have worked all their lives for their families. Giving up their best years so their wife & kids could have food, shelter, medical insurance. And now, they're treated like they're just empty shells of nothing. Those mouths they fed & kids they loved, don't bother to come see them, they probably don't have time.

The nurses at that hospital didn't even know that Mr. Maher could talk until the day we went out for coffee. He left the following day, I was so sad to see him go. I asked if I could hug him good-bye. They said yes, but 'be careful'. I almost laughed. I gave my boyfriend a big hug & wished him the best. I'll never forget him.


*All names of patients are not the actual names.

posted by jane at 11:33 AM