Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Some People Laugh Thru Their Noses *snort*

The week of not posting anything came at a good time. I was taken off Wellbutrin XL last week & put on 10 mg. Lexapro...Let the games begin! No, not football. LIFE!
Wednesday or Thursday night I got 4 hours sleep, the next 2 or 3 days I was awake, but felt like my skin was crawling, not to mention the headaches, nausea, ringing in my ear & odd sensation on my tongue. I don't know of any fancy words to explain what it's been like, but I'll say this: It's been comparable to heroin withdrawals. I don't know if it's been because I'm on a new medicine or because I'm off an old medicine. Gradually, the days have gotten better.
I still find myself not laughing, not crying, not doing anything really except for playing Sudoku. As with everything else; I've become addicted. The timing of finding this game has been a godsend. I haven't wanted to talk to people, can't read books, haven't been reading blogs...human contact, in general, isn't appealing right now. So, I've been playing this game; it's all numbers.
While I've never been a math or English whiz, I much prefer math. In English there are so many variables, prepositions, exceptions, all the crap that creates this huge gray area. In math, things are black & white. There is a concrete answer.
Another reason I like this game is because of a study I read about Alzheimers. It said one of the best jobs to avoid Alzheimers was a taxi driver. They always have different routes to drive, have to calculate time, mileage, change, etc. Basically this study said to avoid things that are a constant repeat. Sudoku is anything but. With all the medications I'm on, I need to do all the brain stimulation I can.
So while I said I'd be reading blogs to pass this last week; I did the best I could. I was emerged in a game that made the waiting game go faster and helped the edginess to start to diminish. I've been a real bitch to be around & I don't consider being a bitch a good thing.
It bothers me that I can't laugh. I can't imagine myself stuck like this & I'm hoping & praying it's just a temporary thing. I find myself feeling nothing. When I do feel something it's irritation, anger, impatience.
It's just been a little over a week & the agitation has decreased significantly, so my therapist said to give it 2-3 weeks. I imagine I won't be depressed, but God I so want to just laugh my ass off! You know, the kind of laugh did do on Mary Poppins where they float up to the ceiling & can't get down cuz they can't stop laughing. By the way, that is 1 of my all time favorite scenes in a movie. I should rent* Mary Poppins & watch that scene. Ohhh....you know what? That's what I'm gonna do!! And tomorrow, I am going to laugh my beautiful flat ass off!

*Note: When I went & returned some movies, lo and behold they had Mary Poppins for sale. So, guess who will (hopefully) be floating up to the ceiling in laughter tomorrow? Uh huh....you guessed it!

Technorati tags: depression, lexapro, wellbutrin, sudoku, alzheimers, mary poppins

posted by jane at 3:19 PM