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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Some People Laugh Thru Their Noses *snort*

The week of not posting anything came at a good time. I was taken off Wellbutrin XL last week & put on 10 mg. Lexapro...Let the games begin! No, not football. LIFE!
Wednesday or Thursday night I got 4 hours sleep, the next 2 or 3 days I was awake, but felt like my skin was crawling, not to mention the headaches, nausea, ringing in my ear & odd sensation on my tongue. I don't know of any fancy words to explain what it's been like, but I'll say this: It's been comparable to heroin withdrawals. I don't know if it's been because I'm on a new medicine or because I'm off an old medicine. Gradually, the days have gotten better.
I still find myself not laughing, not crying, not doing anything really except for playing Sudoku. As with everything else; I've become addicted. The timing of finding this game has been a godsend. I haven't wanted to talk to people, can't read books, haven't been reading blogs...human contact, in general, isn't appealing right now. So, I've been playing this game; it's all numbers.
While I've never been a math or English whiz, I much prefer math. In English there are so many variables, prepositions, exceptions, all the crap that creates this huge gray area. In math, things are black & white. There is a concrete answer.
Another reason I like this game is because of a study I read about Alzheimers. It said one of the best jobs to avoid Alzheimers was a taxi driver. They always have different routes to drive, have to calculate time, mileage, change, etc. Basically this study said to avoid things that are a constant repeat. Sudoku is anything but. With all the medications I'm on, I need to do all the brain stimulation I can.
So while I said I'd be reading blogs to pass this last week; I did the best I could. I was emerged in a game that made the waiting game go faster and helped the edginess to start to diminish. I've been a real bitch to be around & I don't consider being a bitch a good thing.
It bothers me that I can't laugh. I can't imagine myself stuck like this & I'm hoping & praying it's just a temporary thing. I find myself feeling nothing. When I do feel something it's irritation, anger, impatience.
It's just been a little over a week & the agitation has decreased significantly, so my therapist said to give it 2-3 weeks. I imagine I won't be depressed, but God I so want to just laugh my ass off! You know, the kind of laugh did do on Mary Poppins where they float up to the ceiling & can't get down cuz they can't stop laughing. By the way, that is 1 of my all time favorite scenes in a movie. I should rent* Mary Poppins & watch that scene. Ohhh....you know what? That's what I'm gonna do!! And tomorrow, I am going to laugh my beautiful flat ass off!

*Note: When I went & returned some movies, lo and behold they had Mary Poppins for sale. So, guess who will (hopefully) be floating up to the ceiling in laughter tomorrow? Uh huh....you guessed it!

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posted by jane at 3:19 PM