Thursday, June 23, 2005

B-I-P-O-L-A-R

I feel the need to clarify something here. I mention in my profile & also in some entries that I'm bipolar. In no way do I mean to use bipolar disorder as a crutch or for sympathy. In the same breath, it encompasses me. I think it is fair to say, I wouldn't be who I am without it. I'm not 'lost' in it. But so many of my characteristics are due to being bipolar: sensitivity, artistic, humor, and so on.
As funny as this may sound, in manic depression, I found sanity. Imagine that while on the outside everything seems normal, but inside, your mind & feelings, you feel crazy. As time goes on that becomes more than just a feeling and you KNOW you've gone crazy. But you can't tell anybody because they'll take your kids away & put you in an institution & throw the key away. Right?
Medications failed, doctors failed and suddenly one particular doctor took the TIME to ask the right questions & properly diagnose me. I was SANE! I had a disorder and it had a NAME! It was bipolar disorder & millions of other people have it too. People like: Patty Duke, Robert Downey, Jr., Virginia Woolf (lalala lalala lala), Axl Rose, Rosemary Clooney, Marriette Hartley, Linda Hamilton, Sting, Larry Flynt, Dick Cavett, Ben Stiller, Connie Francis & many, many more.
Statistics show that 20% of people with bipolar disorder commit suicide. THAT is the reason I talk, laugh, cry, LIVE about it. That is also why I talk about addiction. Alcoholism/addiction is VERY common with bipolar disorder. It's called self-medicating & it truly is just that.
I'm such a fortunate soul to be blessed with a diagnosis, medication, sobriety, all my body parts, legally I'm sane (I think! HA!) but most of all.....my L-I-F-E!
So please don't think I'm trying to gain anything by sharing everything I can about this disorder.
If by chance 1 person who feels hopeless reads this, or a family member of someone afflicted reads this & smiles or finds hope, then my day was filled with purpose.
20% suicide rate is just too much & If I accomplish nothing else in my life, I want to know that I did reach out to educate others about manic depression.
I know this was a very long post. If you finished it, thank you for taking the time.

peace

posted by jane at 10:59 PM