Saturday, July 02, 2005

7/2/5

I went shopping for a pair of shorts today at a popular French department store. So yeah, I know I said I"m shopping for shorts but.......
Anyways, I'm looking at tops in the Women's Deptartment (fat sizes) and there in the midst of all the orange & purple polka dot prints with circus clown necklines I spot the most adorable top!!! I GRAB it before anyone else sees this beauty, and as I take it off the rack, I notice something peculiar, but okay. Before I place it in the cart (hey, I'm at Target!) I look & its a size 6. BITCH! Where is she??? She's hit again!
If you're fat, you know exactly who I'm talking about!!!
It's that skinny brat who always has to ruin our day! It's not enough that she gets 90% of the clothes & 99.9999% of the style, noooooo she has to watch from afar as our eyes light up & we smile our first smile of the day, then she glares as we become embarrassed,which quickly causes our face to turn beet red, which quickly turns into beet red anger, at which time I turn around to see some skinny-minnie running out of the store. (guess whose problem in English class was run-on sentences?) It's always HER & she's always wearing the best clothes, shoes, purse, haircut, you name it. At least thats how it looks from behind as she's dashing out the door.
I bet she has no boobs! THATS IT! Skinny little frumpy wench! I'll show her! One day I'm gonna take all the fat clothes, spandex shorts INCLUDED and put them in the junior section, thats what I'll do! And I'll go to cute little stores like Forever 21 and Wet Seal, Tillys, Macys, you name it! This top heavy broad is making the rounds baby! Or maybe I'll go to Fredericks Of Hollywood & Victoria's Secret & in the midst of all those 32A's I'll stick some 36DD's just to make her CRYYYYYYYY. Then I'll watch from afar as her eyes fill with tears & her lips pucker up and then I'll hobble right out of that store!
And just let one size 6 chickadee make a cross look at me, why I'll....I'll....I'll....go to the fat men's department & sneak their clothes in too!!

In case you dont know where the fat clothes are, they're shoved in the back of the store between the maternity department & the WALL. Thats another fun adventure, ACCIDENTALLY wandering into the maternity department (with their cute labels, who woulda known?) and then some little kid looks up and says, "Look Mommy, she's having a baby too." BRAT!

Dont get me wrong, I'm not complaining about being fat. After all, as the sign says, we're harder to kidnap!
And this isn't an anti-thin people bash, my beautiful perfect daughter which I love with all my heart is a size 1 (or 3 at times).
It's just an anti-girl-that-puts-the-pretty-size-6-blouse-in-the-fat-ladies-section!!!

posted by jane at 3:37 PM