Powered by Blogger

bipolar planet
Join | List | Previous | Next | Random | Previous 5 | Next 5 | Skip Previous | Skip Next
Powered by RingSurf

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A joke

A man is standing in line at the supermarket when he notices that there
is a very hot blonde behind him trying to get his attention.
He wonders why such a woman would be would be waving to him, and
although familiar he can't place where he might know her from.

He says:

"Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father
of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.

"Oh my God" he says "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that
I screwed on the salad bar in front of all my buddies while your friend
"Lulu" whipped me with some wet celery and stuck that cucumber up my

"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

If you think this is funny, so did I! If you don't think it's funny, blame Tarzan. He emailed it to me.

posted by jane at 10:42 PM


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Dazzling December Holidays

December is:

Bingo Month
Write a Friend month
Identity Theft Prevention and Awareness Month
National Drunk & Drugged Driving (3D) Prevention Month
National Stress-free Family Holidays Month (surely they're kidding!)
National Sign Up for Summer Camp Month
National Tie Month (don't buy Dad another one)
Safe Toys and Gifts Month
Spiritual Literacy Month
Take a New Year's Resolution to Stop Smoking (TANYRSS)
Universal Human Rights Month

Cookie Cutter
National Aplstic Anemia Awareness
Recipe Greetings for the Holidays
Operation Santa Paws
Human Rights Week
International Language Week
Halcyon Days
It's About Time Week

December 1 is . . . . .
National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day
Aids Awareness Day
Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day
Day Without Art Day
World Aids Day

December 2 is . . . . .
National Fritters Day
Eat a Red Apple Day
National Pie Day
Slavery Day (that's celebrated??)
Coats for Kids Day
Special Education Day
AND it's Cavegirl's 25th birthday!

December 3 is . . . . .
National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day
National Fritters Day
International Day of Disabled Persons

December 4 is . . . . .
Wear Brown Shoes Day
Santas' List Day we hope you are on the "Good" list
Extraordinary Work Team Recognition
National Dice Day

December 5 is . . . . .
National Sacher Torte Day
Bathtub Party Day (Wanna party?)
International Volunteer Day for Economic & Social
National Communicate with Your Baby Day

December 6 is . . . . .
National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day
St. Nicholas Day
Mitten Tree Day
Put on your own Shoes Day
National Pawnbrokers Day
Special Kids Day (what kid isn't special?)
December 7 is . . . . .
National Cotton Candy Day (I should have been born 12/7)
Letter Writing Day
Pearl Harbor Day
International Civil Aviation Day

December 8 is . . . . .
Take It In The Ear Day (Excuse me?? Take WHAT
in the ear?)
National Brownie Day
Remembrance of John Lennon's death
December 9 is . . . . .
National Pastry Day
Day of the Horse
International Shareware Day

December 10 is . . . .
Human Rights Day
Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales

December 11 is . . . .
National Noodle Ring Day
International Children's Day - Second Sunday in December
International Mountain Day

December 12 is . . . .
National Ding-A-Ling Day
Poinsettia Day
Gingerbread House Day (Oh, I like this one!)

December 13 is . . . .
Ice Cream Day
Violins Day

December 14 is . . . .
National Bouillabaisse Day

December 15 is . . . .
National Lemon Cupcake Day
Bill of Rights Day
Cat herders Day (people herd cats?)
Underdog Day

December 16 is . . . .
National Chocolate Covered Anything Day (how about ME?)
Barbie & Barnie Backlash Day (burn 'em at the stake?)

December 17 is . . . .
Underdog Day
National Maple Syrup Day
Wright Brothers Day

December 18 is . . . .
National Roast Suckling Pig Day :(
Bake Cookies Day
International Migrants Day (seems like everyday here in

December 19 is . . . .
Oatmeal Muffin Day
Look for an Evergreen Day
Go Carolling Day

December 20 is . . . .
Games Day
Sacagawea Day
Mudd Day (mudd or mud?)

December 21 is . . . .
Look At The Bright Side Day
National Flashlight Day
Hamburger Day
Humbug Day
Forefathers Day
Phileas Fogg Win A Wager Day
World Peace Day (YEAH!)
Winter Solstice Day

December 22 is . . . .
National Date-Nut Bread Day
Forefather's Day
Abilities Day

December 23 is . . . .
Roots Day

December 24 is . . . .
National Egg Nog Day

December 25 is . . . .
National Pumpkin Pie Day
Christmas Day

December 26 is . . . .
National Whiners Day (maybe Tarzan will buy me a gift)
Boxing Day

December 27 is . . . .
National Fruitcake Day
Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day

December 28 is . . . .
Card Playing Day
National Chocolate Day
Pledge of Allegiance Day

December 29 is . . . .
Pepper Pot Day
Tick Tock Day
No Interruptions Day (surely, this is a joke!)

December 30 is . . . .
Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute
National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day (huh? WTF?)

December 31 is . . . .
Unlucky Day
New Year's Eve
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
Make Up Your Mind Day
Universal Hour of Peace Day
World Peace Meditation Day

Holiday Insights

Technorati tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

posted by jane at 9:51 PM


Sunday, November 27, 2005

This 'n That

Puggles, c'mere Puggles! Puggles actually isn't a dog's name. Well, I'm sure there are some dogs named Puggles. But puggles are one of the top dogs of a new breed. Instructions: Take one pug and mix it with a beagle and wala! You get a puggle! I finally found a site with a picture of one and they're cuuute! Don't believe me? I'm thinking you do. Still, check this out.

Good news! Matt Jacoby had his car up on blocks as he was working on it. The car rolled off the blocks & Matt was pinned underneath. Nobody was around but his daughter, 7 year old Shelby. Of course, Shelby couldn't lift the car up. But what she could do is sit on jack & pump it with her legs. She could and she did & she also saved her dad's life. Way to go Shelby! For the entire story (there's really not much more) go here.

This one's a doozie. 2 Internet dating sites are being sued for deceptive practices. The suits are against Match.com & Yahoo Inc. for allegedly using "date bait" to keep customers signed up. If you want all the dirt on this one, and who doesn't? Click this.

Got morals? Or perhaps you don't, but would like some. If you want a good site that gives advice on ethics, but isn't religious, then the Josephson Institute of Ethics may be right up your alley. I've heard this guy on the radio for years & his stories/examples are always practical. Their motto is: character counts. I concur.

Did you know that one of the reasons the Pilgrims stopped at Plymouth was because they were out of booze? Weren't these the ultra-conservatives who were fleeing ungodliness? In an article written by Jim Robison: One of them wrote in his journal of Dec. 19, 1620: "We could not take time for further search or consideration; our victuals [food supply] being much spent, especially our beere."

"Mary is my homegirl" This is in reference to the Virgin Mary & a new teen fad that's got girls wearing Mary t-shirts & bracelets. While I am not Catholic, or any religion, I just don't find this cool at all.

Can't he say, "I LIED"? New Mexico's governor Bill Richardson has long said he was drafted in 1966 by the Kansas City A's. Upon a discovery by the Albuquerque Journal, that this is in fact untrue, Richardson has admitted it was a falsehood. As with any politician however, he's pulled the "but they told me so" card & the "I don't recall" card out of his imaginary hat. Does he really think the American public believes him? Why can't politicians say, "I LIED"? I think I'll vote for the first one who does!

The Vatican has now banned most gays from priesthood. Oddly enough, they still haven't banned pedophiles. Will they ever get it?

Technorati tags: , ,, , , , , , , , , , , ,

posted by jane at 9:06 PM


Friday, November 25, 2005

Ugly 'Ol Sam

Sam, the 3 time winner of The World's Ugliest Dog was euthanized on Nov. 18, 2005. Sam was a 14 year old purebred Chinese Crested Hairless. He had no hair except for the yellowish tuft on his head & ears, he also had crooked teeth and was blind. Don't feel bad for Sam because he was ugly; it's his claim to fame. It all started in 2003, after he won the Sonoma-Marin Fair's World's Ugliest Dog contest. Sam was mentioned on CNN, The Carson Daly Show and various newspapers. He received limousine rides, appeared on Japanese TV and even met Donald Trump.
His owner, Susie Lockheed, found him at a shelter where he was kept in a cage due to his viciousness. After Susie's continual visits to see Sam, he eventually came around, walked out of the cage & was adopted by Susie. Susie has also rescued other Chinese Crested Hairless. He didn't come without a cost though. Susie's old boyfriend was so repulsed by Sam that he broke up with her. But thanks to Sam, Susie's present boyfriend came about when he saw a photo of Susie & Sam on a dating service.
The Discovery Channel was going to make a documentary about Sam until his untimely death. Susie had him euthanized when the vet told her Sam's heart was failing. She says she's been sleeping with his favorite stuffed animal ever since.

If you'd like to watch a video of Sam, click here*.* (You must look at the bottom left, under JEANNE MOOS you'll see the subtitle: How a dog turned ugly into fame.) I watched the video & it leaves no doubt: Sam is ugly.
To visit Susie & Sam's blog, just click this link: Sam & Susie's blog.
Sam products are sold here.

R.I.P. Sam

Technorati tags: , , , , , , ,

posted by jane at 1:41 PM


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Letting Go

It’s approximately 2pm pst. & I just happen upon Old, Old Lady of the Hill’s blog. Prior to this, I was reading some of the comments on my post. But it’s now that I realize I won’t be there when Aunty passes on. OOLOTH’s post is about the day President Kennedy died, as I’m recollecting it, I also realize that I need to let go. I remember when another aunt died in 1996, one of the things they told my cousins (other cousins) was that they needed to let her go. Hospice also said many times a person has difficulty ‘leaving’ when people around them are sad.
I get up & begin lighting candles for Aunty. I get new candles out, I light candles that were just too pretty to light before. I don’t know the significance of candles, I just know that it’s what I'm doing. Then I sit for a few moments & talk to Aunty. I tell her how much I love her, that she'll always be with me. But that it's okay to go now. I let her know I’m letting go of her & envision a dove in my arms, opening my arms & letting it fly away, up to the heavens. I say other things, too private to share.
I remember about a month ago we thought she’d die within a week. We’ve been given this extra time with her, days I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. I’ve memorized her face, the touch of her skin, her voice. She will always be inside of my heart.
I know that she wants to go, she needs to go. Today she asked my mom & cousins, “What’s taking so long?” She wants to be free of this body she no longer has control of & a life that will be better carried on in a new home. When I visit her from now on, there won’t be any sadness in my heart. There will be a time to be sad; it isn’t now.
When I say you're caring, kind words & prayers mean a lot to me, magnify that many, many times. I wouldn’t have come to these realizations without you.
I’ve decided that I am going to try & make this my last post about Aunty. The rest of her minutes, or days, will be private. Solemn.

posted by jane at 2:34 PM


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Long Day

As with every time I visit Aunty, tonight is no different. Normally when I’m visiting & I come home, I’m at ease. As the hours wear on, I become restless, irritated, argumentative & then, tearful. Tearful, mind you, is an understatement. I will readily admit I cry because of my own selfishness; I’m desperately going to miss my aunt. So desperately, that I’d venture to say no word has yet been created to measure this magnitude. I wasn’t going to write a post again today, but it’s important for myself that I do.
Yesterday I made soaps for the Christmas gift bags, I picked out a special one to take to my aunt. It was a rather simple one (no loofah) and was poured into a cupcake mold but it was gold & chartreuse. Even though her eyesight isn’t what it used to be, I figured she’d be able to see the contrast of colors.
When I first arrived she was sound asleep in her recliner; she hadn’t slept all night long. The nurse said nights are when she’s restless, so I decided that I’ll call tonight & if she’s restless, I’ll go sit with her. * (more on this at end of post)
Anyways, after being there about an hour, Aunty woke up. We talked for a little bit & then I told her I had a surprise for her. I explained I’d brought her some soap, but I made it especially for her. Oh, you would’ve thought I’d brought her gold. She held it in her hands admiring it & kept bringing it to her nose to smell. Then she complimented me again on the apron. I had to correct her in that it is OUR apron as I never would have been able to make it without her.
She ate a little bit and then asked what time it was. Lupe told her it was about 1:30pm. She asked what day it was. We looked at each other, puzzled. (neither of us could automatically remember what day it was) I said, “It’s Tuesday.“ Then she said, “I wonder if he’s going to come for me today.” (I thought she meant God) I asked her, “Who?” She said, “David.” David is my nephew who visited her last week. So I said that I knew how much she really liked him. She said, “Oh, yes!”
Later, when the nurse was giving her a sponge bath there was a knock on the door. It was David. Not my nephew David, but the pianist David, the one Aunty has a crush on! Here I originally thought she was wondering if God was coming for her today & she meant the handsome piano player! Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to see him as she was being bathed.

I called Lola tonight to see how she was doing & let her know I was thinking about going over & sitting with her mom. it’s then she informed me that something was terribly wrong with Aunty. To cut to the chase, they’d taken Aunty off of all but 1 Ativan yesterday. Instead, they put her on Haldol ~ supposedly for anxiety & to help her sleep. She’s also been kept on the LOWEST dosage of liquid morphine (Roxinal) instead of having it increased as it should have been. Aunty had an adverse violent reaction to the Haldol this evening. This is a woman whose cuss words are: golly & gosh. I won’t go into anymore detail, but at 9pm we were still waiting for the Hospice Nurse who said she had 1 more stop at 4pm to get to my aunt’s. Lola is trying to find a way to help Aunty get sleep during the night. She’s been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night & that, just in increments. As of tonight, she’s off the Haldol, back on to the Ativan & the dosage of Roxinal is finally being increased.
I know Lola & Lupe have done everything, sometimes too much to take care of their mom. I can say firsthand that it is devastating to find that those you trust in caring for a loved one are doing an inadequate job. And for your loved one, who is already suffering, to suffer unnecessarily, is beyond words.
We’ve agreed that there’s no need for my mom to know what happened to Aunty & hopefully, Aunty won’t remember. I am so exhausted that I don’t think I’m going over tomorrow, but (and I know this is backwards) I’m so afraid that she’ll die when I don’t go over & I’ll always regret seeing her one more time, when I could have.

posted by jane at 10:38 PM


Monday, November 21, 2005

Ups 'n Downs ' n Ups 'n Downs

I believe I'm in the midst of something awesomely spiritual, it seems almost sacred to me. Let me rewind a bit.
Friday night my mom called saying Aunty was declining & they gave her 2-3 days max. So, Saturday we drove together to spend time with Aunty & when we got there she was sleeping & her face was red. Lola asked if anybody wanted to walk to the pharmacy with her & I said I would. When we got back & walked in, my aunt was up in her bed, eating some broth. My mom, sister & Lupe were sitting around her. Then, Aunty, who supposedly couldn't see anymore, said, "Jane!" and put her arms out to me. I was about 10 feet away & my sister said to come & take her seat. So I went & gave Aunty a huge hug & kiss, sat by her & held her hand. Then I showed her my completed apron (this apron has GREAT significance to me, regarding her.) She admired it, examined it & then told me I needed to re-do the pocket. Ugh! (lol)
I am not watching someone who is being defeated or losing her dignity, I'm watching someone who is dying gracefully. She's been a pillar of strength, yet so soft, so very gentle & precious. In her most frustrating times she just wants to walk, to know more about her condition or to write letters. (we both love to write letters) Things she can no longer do because of the strong dosage of the pain medicine. But the things she says, the way she lights up a room, the effect she has on people she's just recently met; it's profound.

What I find so special about this small circle of women that's encircled Aunty is that in our core, the very reason for us being there, is an older, wiser, loving & faithful woman who, in a very odd way, is teaching us to live life, even in death's grasp. She's teaching us to die with dignity and grace, and like a precious queen bee, we all want to surround her so she can do exactly that.
Aunty was tired yesterday as she didn't sleep much during the night. She still managed to exercise her arms, legs & stand up for a few moments. Lola did Aunty's hair for her later in the day & when asked if she wanted to see herself in the mirror, she nodded her head, "Yes." They gave her a hand mirror & her nurse said, "You look beautiful, like a movie star!" Aunty replied, "You're telling me!"

Originally, this post was supposed to end with the above sentence. If one thing is certain, it's that this experience is like a rollercoaster. Within hours things can go from drastic to elated, almost to where I forget she's dying. On another day, such as today, it goes from pleasant to sad again. The realization is back, I never should have forgotten, if even for a moment, that Aunty is going to die very soon.

I talked with my sister today, she told me that while visiting our aunt yesterday, Aunty said she's ready to die, but then said, "I wish could spend more time with Jane." Of course, I was moved to tears. There's some special bond between Aunty & I, we just get each other. I'm going to visit with her for a few hours tomorrow.
Then, this evening I talked with Lola & she said Aunty mentioned today something blocking her from swallowing. When Aunty was first diagnosed, Hospice told Lola that approx. 7-9 days before she dies, she will complain of not being able to swallow.
Your prayers have been so strong, please pray that God has mercy on her & she doesn't suffer long.

posted by jane at 10:49 PM


Friday, November 18, 2005

This 'n That

I've been so preoccupied recently that I've let stories I wanted to write about build up. So, in an effort to reduce this pile of paper on my desk, I'm writing brief posts with links on 6 topics. I'd love to hear your opinions on these topics. Hope you enjoy!

Calling all shopaholics! 20/20 is going to talk about it tonight. BF2005.com may be sued over it. Gottadeal.com & blackfridayads.com are all about it. What is IT? If you're a shopaholic, you know what Black Friday is. It's the day after Thanksgiving, the biggest retail sales day of the year. But this year, retailers aren't too happy with the owners of these websites & are threatening to sue. What are they doing that's so wrong? Nothing, if you're a consumer. They're just providing us with an advance peak at the sales which are normally withheld until next week. One example is a Barbie Fashion Show Mall at Toys "R" Us, which normally sells for $99.99, but will be on sale for $29.97 on November, 25th. For more info & the inside scoop, click here.

Holy Hot Flash! If you're a female & going thru menopause, this may be the answer to your prayers. It's a new, cool option called "Hot Flash" PJs. The PJs are made of 85% polyester, 10% cotton & "Freshguard", which is the same component used in activewear. But these pajamas are supposedly comfy, too. For more info, click here.

Remember the bridges of Alaska? The $442 million dollar ones? In a misleading attempt to reduce the deficit, the G.O.P. eliminated the 2 "Bridges to Nowhere" projects. But don't be fooled. This isn't reducing our deficit by 1 penny as Alaska is still getting the money, it just won't be earmarked for anything specifically. Bridge, anyone? For more on this, click here

This music is for the dogs! (and cats, too) Do you buy clothes, gourmet food or elegant dishware for Fido or Boots? If so, then I'd like to introduce you to your pampered pet's radio station. DogCatRadio.com plays music 17 hours a day just for your pet. I checked it out & I wasn't impressed, but the website is pretty cool. To check it out (you know you want to) click here.

Illegal Entry in Style Judi Werthein is a person people either love or loathe. She's the controversial artist from Argentina who came to the USA legally in 1997. Werthein is providing free specialized shoes to migrants trying to enter the USA illegally. These are lightweight hiking shoes, with a flashlight & compass attached to shoelace, a zippered tongue to store money or pills in, a removable insole with a map of the border region. (and a blue line showing the direction to follow) As if that wasn't enough, the shoes are red, white & green, the colors of the Mexican flag. On the back ankle is a drawing of Mexico's patron saint of migrants. To read more, click here.

Gee, Thanks Dupont A former Dupont employee alleges study results were intentionally withheld about a Teflon-related chemical that's found in candy wrappers, pizza boxes, microwave popcorn bags & hundreds of other food containers. The study was on the chemical, Zonyl which turns into perfluorooctanoic acid, AKA PFOA, once it enters our body, and birth defects. The EPA is undecided if they're going to classify PFOA as a "likely" human carcinogen. For an article about this, click here.

Technorati tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

posted by jane at 5:09 PM


Thursday, November 17, 2005

A nice day

Yesterday I went to visit my aunt for a bit. When I walked in she was sitting in her wheelchair, her nurse had put on a bit of makeup to give her some color & dressed her in pretty pink pj's. I hugged her & commented on how nice she looked, and she said, "Just wait until Lola sees me!" I asked Aunty if she'd like us to take a picture together & she nodded, 'yes'. So, I had her nurse take our picture.
Then I mentioned that I had a surprise for her. I took out the apron I've worked so hard on. (I still have to do the hem & re-do the pocket) Her eyes look downward as it's difficult for her to open them, I think that's because of the medicine. She said it's very hard when you can't see very good. A few minutes later she asked for the apron again & held it in her hands, feeling every seam & pleat. (yes, I even did pleats!) She said she loved it, loved the color & pattern & that it was beautiful. I told her I never could have done it without her & that was no exaggeration.
She talks very, very slowly & when I ask her a question sometimes it takes her a few minutes to respond, but I just wait as I know she will respond. The slowness is also due to the medicine, her brain is as sharp as a tack! I'm amazed at Aunty's attitude towards everything. The only time she will complain is if you ask her if she's in pain, then she'll tell you where she hurts. Otherwise, you'd never know it.

Soon afterwards, my mom came in. Aunty knew it was her immediately as she loves the perfume Mom wears. As always, my mom also looked radiant. I asked if they wanted their picture taken & of course, they both said 'yes'. So I was ready to take the picture and said, "Smile" and as hard as I know it was for Aunty, she did smile. There they were, two sisters sitting together, my mom with her arm around my aunt. There's such a special bond between sisters.
Mom asked to see my apron & I showed it to her. She was in shock. You must know, my mom has always hot glue-gunned things together. So the fact that one of her offspring actually used a sewing machine successfully floored her! Shortly afterwards, I left.
Earlier in the morning, Lola had called me. She said sometimes we just need a break & she decided that both she & I needed one now. So her plan was for us to go to a movie after my visit with Aunty. I was somewhat reluctant, the last time I'd been to a movie was to see "Blow" with Johnny Depp. (5 years ago?) I decided to go for it as I wanted to spend time with Lola too. We watched, "Dreamer" with Dakota Fanning & Kurt Russell. What a great 'Go for it" movie. I was glad Lola & I had spent some time together.
The night before I'd made those delicious pork chops. I made extras for my mom, Lola and for her hubby. I really should have done this before, but honestly hadn't thought about it. Fortunately for me, I was able to convince Tarzan to get us fast-food for dinner. For some reason, I enjoy food made by anyone else but me, a little better than my own. Maybe it's because there's no work involved.
All in all, it was a very nice day.

posted by jane at 2:38 PM


Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sunday thoughts

I tried to reply to the comments on my previous post & just can't muster up the words anymore. My aunt has taken a turn for the worse & says she's ready to go home. While the nurse can't say for sure, she thinks it's a week at the most, maybe just a matter of days.
My mom visited her today & aunty wanted to go for a ride, yes, a ride. So they put her in her wheelchair & my mom, Lola, Lupe, the nurse & aunty strolled the 3rd floor of the Senior complex. My mom said Aunty's eyes were closed most of the time, but then she wanted to sit a bench in the hall. While sitting there, someone from the church came by & gave Aunty communion. Then, they took her back to her room & she went back to sleep.
I hope you will all accept a generalized 'thank you for caring' and understand why I can't reply to each comment, as I like to do. I just don't have the energy or the words right now.
Please pray for my aunt that she goes quickly, so she won't suffer. Also, please pray for my mom as her & Aunty are very close & this is her last sibling. Please pray for Aunty's children, Lola, Lupe & Luis.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

posted by jane at 3:59 PM


Friday, November 11, 2005


Sitting here, listening to: "If ever I see you again" by Roberta Flack, 1978. Suddenly, my eyes fill with tears & they begin to flow uncontrollably down my cheeks. It's not one particular thing, it's not depression; it's life.
I was supposed to see my aunt yesterday, but she wasn't feeling good, so today I went over as she was somewhat better. There is a visible decline from last week, both physically and in alertness. Today we held hands for a bit, she helped me with my apron. (I've still just got the pocket sewn) and here, this tiny 85 year old woman, most likely in her last weeks of life, is taking time to help me sew. She tells me to feel free to change whatever I want on the pattern. She used to make her own patterns out of newspaper; that's how she was taught by her mom.
But when this song started playing it hit me. I may never see her again. Sure, we all want to believe we'll see our loved ones again, but the harsh truth is, nobody really knows, do they? Religious people can say this & that, but it's still speculation. And we don't know if Aunty will be here next week.
She's so heavily medicated now & her skin is turning yellow again. I can tell she doesn't like being so medicated, she says her eyes feel too heavy. But without the medicine she'd be in unbearable pain & unable to sleep. Whenever I think about her, there is one resounding thought: She is so beautiful. Not just physically but in every way possible. I am thankful we've had these few weeks of pleasant times with her. I'm going to miss her tremendously.
My cousin, Lupe, asked her, "Is there something you want me to do, Mom?" "No, just let me...be" my aunt replied, then she said, "That's what my sister does, she holds my hand and just lets me 'be'." My mom loves to sit by Aunty's bed, whether she's awake or asleep & just holds her hand. My aunt will awaken and say, "I know my sister is here because I smell her perfume." This makes my mom laugh. My mom will go to the ends of the earth for a loved one, family or friend. I can't imagine how her heart must ache.
Lola goes to the E.N.T. Doctor next week to see if he'll operate to remove the cancer by her carotid artery; that tumor hasn't decreased since chemo. She has another 1 that's almost gone from treatments.
Tuesday was 12 years to the day of my father's death. I wasn't able to write about it then & still can't. On Tuesday night my son went into a mental hospital, they let him out Wednesday morning, due to overcrowding. As a parent, it doesn't matter how much we distance ourselves. To see our child suffer, no matter how great our anger or determination, it HURTS.
I avoid talking or thinking about them because when I think of one, I think of all these things & it's overwhelming. It's like someone is sticking their arm down my throat and literally choking what breath I have. Please understand, while it may seem I'm complaining, I am, but I'm also not. (it is a woman's prerogative to contradict herself) I realize I'm blessed to have such a close and loving family.
I know I won't die from hardships, it just feels like it sometimes. But I don't think some great spirit in the sky is going to swoop down & remove this pain either. I'm not saying I don't have faith, but reality is what it is. And right now, this is my reality.

I'm sure by morning time, I'll regret having put these thoughts in writing, it usually happens that way. For one, this post is actually very, very selfish. It's all about me & my feelings, when I'm not the one who is truly suffering. Nor am I the one living my last days in a cancer ridden body. It's thoughts like this that make me want to just quit being so damn sensitive, just suck it up and take it like whoever it is that just sucks this stuff up & deals with it. I want to not be what I fucking am right now. Selfish. Hurting. Pathetic. And sad. So very sad.

posted by jane at 10:07 PM


Thursday, November 10, 2005

My All-Time Favorite Children's Book

The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs
by: A. Wolf


As told to: Jon Scieszka
Pages: 32
Age Recommendation: 4-8 (I recommend 6 thru 12 or so)
Average Amazon Rating: *****

Make no mistake, this is the one and only true story of The 3 Little Pigs. Don't listen to the other tales, they're hogwash! After reading Mr. wolf's account of what really happened, you'll undoubtedly come to the same conclusion I did: He was framed! And another thing, those 3 little pigs aren't as innocent as they'd like you to believe. Finally, Mr. A. wolf sets us straight & clears up decades of slander against him, albeit from behind the bars of a pig penitentiary.

This is absolutely my all-time favorite kids book. In order to get the most of out it, I offer these recommendations:

1) The child has to know the story of The 3 Little Pigs
2) They should at least be 6 or so, to get this story.
3) Don't let the child read it, but have their dad, grandfather, uncle (or you, if you're one of the above) read it to them. Mainly, it should be read by a man in his best ever Mr. A. Wolf voice.

One of the best memories my kids & I have is of their Papa (my dad) reading this story to them when they were about 7 & 9. We all laughed so hard as he sat in the rocker, his reading glasses on & a most convincing Mr. Wolf voice. To this day, it's a book I always give as a gift when someone's child turns 7 or so. It's absolutely a hoot!
Whether you get this as a birthday present, Christmas gift or just for the heck of it, just get it!

Click here for hardcover
Click here for paperback

Technorati tags: , , ,

posted by jane at 11:40 AM


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Christmas gift bags

For the past 2 years I've made Christmas gift bags for neighbors, friends, some of Tarzan's coworkers & family. They cost more than I should be spending, but the reward is all mine. This is one thing I absolutely LOVE doing! I usually make about 20 of these bags & this year I'm aiming for 30. Undoubtedly there will be someone I forgot or that my kids forgot to get a gift for, so a few extra will come in handy.

1) I use medium gift bags that can be bought at craft stores. I decorate them by gluing a cut-out decoration from previous Christmas cards, or cut-outs from magazines. Pictures of Christmas trees, Christmas candy, etc.

2) Last year, I made handmade soap. This year I'm going out on a limb & will make loofah soap . I don't expect them to come out like this picture, but okay looking & usable are acceptable. Since I've cut the loofah into 'slices', I'm going with orange coloring & an orange scent.

3) One of my favorites but also the most time consuming is homemade marshmallows . (I don't recommend doing this with children as the ingredients must be very, very hot.)Please note, I've used this link for the recipe only. I add food coloring & simply cut them in squares. Tarzan's dad loves these, so he gets a small gift box full of them last year.
I buy clear cellophane bags at the craft store to package these. then I close the bag by folding the top over. I punch holes in the cellophane bag, tie twine through the hole punches & then thru a piece of 2 layered construction paper that says, "Merry Marshmallows". Then I tie them into a bow and attach tiny jingle bells at the end of the twine & tie the bottom of each end in a knot. (by 2 layered I mean I glue a white piece of paper on top of a red or green piece of constuction paper & hole punch it)

4) A very simple addition & one that compliments the marshmallows nicely is hot chocolate mix.
For the marshamallows & the hot chocolate mix, I use the same type of bags. I print the instructions on paper & simply glue or staple them to bag. Using a small stapler, I staple the bag shut. This is Fast Eddie's favorite, so he gets a lot!

5) One of the funner treats to make & one that's LOVED is peppermint bark candy . Almond bark is sold at Walmart & is inexpensive. All you do is warm it up then when it's melted, add either broken up candy canes, peppermint candies or m&m's & immediately pour it onto a cookie sheet with wax paper at the bottom. Let it cool before you break it into pieces. This is Tarzan's favorite, but he likes his with M&M's. I usually buy an entire almond bark bar for him & make him a batch which is kept in the fridge. I simply wrap these in saran wrap.

6) The last, brownies with frosting, is my cheater. It's simply the boxed brownie mix with chocolate frosting on top. The frosting kind of gives it the sense that you put more work than you actually did. Another item I wrap in clear cellophane.

When all is done & it's approx. a week before Christmas, I put all the wrapped treats into the gift bag & add the personalized gift tag. Now, they're ready for special delivery from the North Pole!

Technorati tags: , , , , , ,

posted by jane at 4:03 PM


Monday, November 07, 2005

Sometimes feeling sucks

I have a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. It seems like my emotions cloud up what I want to say, then everything gets jumbled. I've hesitated writing about this, just because I was hoping it would just go away, but it hasn't. And I feel so selfish because right now, I'm just focusing on me, me, me. It's about how I see things & how I feel my life is just in the dumps right now.
Remember that saying, "When it rains, it pours?" That's what it feels like right now. Usually blogging lifts up my days, right now, nothing is. I've said something on 1 blog that has really offended that person & I can't blame him. It seems so many in the blogging world are feeling down or taking a break, so maybe it's the change of season, or the weather. I don't know.
I don't want to get out of bed, but my body aches & I can't lay down. Things that are my normal respite, aren't. It's at times like right now that I wish I could smoke pot to relax, but pot makes me hyper. Drinking alcohol is also out of the question. I can't take those normal escape routes that so many can. Well, I could, but I know what the end result would be, so I won't.
I don't like writing about conflicts between Tarzan & I because I can only communicate my side of it and that's really not fair to him. I hope the way I've worded this just focuses on how it affects me. Trust me, I can be a real bitch. So in no way am I claiming to be without blame. I just have to get this off my chest.
Last week Tarzan & I had a disagreement. Anyways, I'm not going to go into detail because it's not the disagreement that sticks with me. It's that when I asked him to stop, he said, "okay" but chuckled as he did. He knows how upset I get, uncontrollably upset. Yet, he didn't stop & kept on as though it was funny. Finally, I said, "Fu#k you" twice & hung up. (he was at work)
It just hurts me so much because if I knew my continuing to do something really hurt him; I'd stop doing it. But it seems the payoff for him is greater than my feelings. (And no, I'm not pms'ing)
So I went to bed that night at 6pm & didn't talk to him for 2 days. This is better than me ranting & cussing at him. Nothing was mentioned about the argument & won't be, unless I bring it up. This is where everything gets jumbled & I can't communicate. Any little thing since, just upsets me.
The bad part is, I know it will happen again & I've brought this up to him before. He gets a kick out of taunting a co-worker that's also passionate to a fault, about things. (In all fairness, he & this co-worker go back & forth) So it's not like he's unaware that he's taunting me & how upset it makes me. Then I start to get paranoid & feel like he's trying to make me crazy. Literally crazy.
It's no use trying to talk about it because it will turn into a "well you do this..." kind of thing. And he won't bring it up because he avoids confrontation.
Then I get resentful because I can't even escape like he can & always does by smoking pot. I can't do a damn thing except take 1 extra Ativan & go to sleep at 6pm & then wake up the next day feeling exactly the same way.
I am so angry & hurt & every other feeling that I don't want to feel. That's it in a nutshell, I just don't want to feel right now.

posted by jane at 1:37 PM


Saturday, November 05, 2005

Got couch?

"Couch surfers are people who are willing to socialize with strangers, who have a fundamental faith in the goodness of humanity," according to co-founder, Dan Hoffer. Couchsurfing.com was founded by Casey Fenton, who is a surfer himself.
The concept is simple: Everyday people such as you & I can offer our 'couch' on couchsurfing.com. It may be that we have room in the backyard for a tent, an extra bed, a spare apartment, or even a couch for a stranger to crash on. There's usually an availablility within 200 miles of your destination. It's free and can last from a cup of coffee to a few months.
Couch surfing spans worldwide. It's something that's just catching on in the states, but is already popular with young Europeans. One surfer, Alan Wilkes, learned Spanish in Madrid, attended a Woodstock-like meeting of surfers in Paris & met his Peruvian girlfriend via couch surfing. 29 year old Nathalie Vielleux couch surfed as she moved from Montreal to California & says she was treated like a queen. Dan Hoffer, 27, says he's drunk beer & played chess with an Indonesian farmer and even danced aboard a cruise ship with Italian hosts.

Here are some statistics:

~ There are presently 35,735 surfers
~ Approximately 13,820 successful couch surfings
~ There have been 15,626 friendships formed
~ Right now, 166 countries are represented
~ 8,111 cities have been host to surfers
~ 86 languages are represented via couch surfing
~ The #1 surfed country is U.S.A.
~ The #1 surfed city is Montreal, Quebec, Canada
~ Oceania accounts for 6.6% of couch surfers
~ The Russian language 3.9% of the surfing population.
~ The average age is 27. The youngest age possible is 2 (with parent)
and 99 (with child? lol)
~ There have been 2014 surfers traveling in groups of 2 or more.

To get started, register at their website & then surf for couches online. They have an online store & even offer some tips on couch surfing the world.

If you could go couch surfing, would you?

Technorati tags: , , , , , , , ,

posted by jane at 5:29 PM


Friday, November 04, 2005

An Act of Kindness

Last week I was blog surfing & came across Creating Peace, it caught my eye & I read the sub-heading: "What does it take to create more peace and compassion? How can we change the world?" What aspiration to write a blog on this & focus on this one, extremely important, topic.
It's writer, Bonnie, had read in another blog, "A Year In Success" & was interested in the principles he mentioned.
Quote: "He is working on doing something to make at least one person's life a little easier or better every single day for the next year."
Bonnie goes on to write about how we can influence those around us if we live by compassion, then our influence is compassion. She concludes by saying: "I hope that I can continue to work from a greater place of compassion and loving kindness and hope that such an example can inspire a few others to do the same."

Isn't that a fantastic goal? I've been thinking about this for days, about how I can show kindness to those around me. Those around me just happen to be bloggers. So after giving much thought I've decided that I'd like to try doing an act of kindness. My intention in doing this is simple: To make others smile.
Here is my proposition:
I'd like to offer my time to search for blogs that share similar interests with you. With the blog's url, you can visit them & perhaps they'll visit you, hopefully creating regular readers for both of you.
OR if you prefer, I'll find you a webring with your interests.

Here is what I need from you:
1. In the comments sections, enter the name & url of your blog.
2. General interests: boats, camping, California, etc.; any 3 or 4 things that interest you.
3. Provide contact information: on your blog or via email.

How many blogs I can find for each person will depend on how many requests there are. I'll only take requests through Sunday night, but my blogs search for you has no deadline. But please specify clearly if you'd prefer I find you a webring. It's one or the other.
Sometimes I may not be able to find anything in your categories & if so, you can submit some more topics.

Please remember, I'm human & I'll make errors...so if I find a blog that doesn't end up being in your category, I apologize in advance. But I will try my best. Hopefully I will do this another time too.

Ask away because Jane's at your service....

Technorati tags: , , , , ,

posted by jane at 3:22 AM


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The Best EVER Pork Chops

Peach-Stuffed Pork Chops (but we use pineapple)
From: Taste of Home's "Cooking for 2" Spring 2005
Creator: Dorothy Pritchett of Texas
Prep: 15 min Bake: 45 min. Yield: 2 servings

1 cup instant chicken-flavor stuffing mix
1 4oz. can diced peaches, undrained (we use crushed pineapples)
3 tablespoons hot water
1 tablespoon butter, melted
2 bone-in center loin pork chops (about 1 inch thick)
1/4 cup peach preserves (or marmalade)
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

In a small bowl, combine the stuffing mix, fruit, water and butter. Cut a pocket in each pork chop by slicing almost to the bone. Stuff with the fruit mixture and secure with a wooden toothpick. Place in an 11 x 7 inch baking dish coated with nonstick cooking spray.
Combine preserves and mustard; spread over chops. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Uncover; bake 15-20 minutes or until meat juices run clear.

These moist pork chops served with applesauce are one of our favorite meals. Enjoy!

Technorati tags: , , , ,

posted by jane at 9:25 PM