Saturday, December 31, 2005

It's Baaaack

Before you read my actual post, I want to say something here. I'm aware that talking about depression may turn some people away & I can totally understand that. One thing I hope doesn't happen is that anybody view this as doom & gloom. As others with Bipolar Disorder (manic depressive), this is something we will go through all of our lives. Our medicine may do well for years & then not work anymore; this is the case with me. I also hope, if you're interested, that you will come back for the 'process', as our bipolar community is one of such strong support. All of the blogs on my right sidebar belong to a Bipolar Webring. If you visit those blogs, you will find similar stories of struggle & triumph.

I walk in to for my therapy visit today & as always, she's greets me with a pleasant smile. She's the once in a lifetime Therapist you hope to have, the kind that facilitates the session, but doesn't cram her beliefs down your throat. Well, that's who I've got & when she disagrees with me, it makes me appreciate her all the more.
So, I sit down & start telling her what a bitch I've been. How very irritable I'm being about things that have never bothered me before. I tell her I'm holing up in my bedroom; that I'm in distress over our living quarters; how I've been naggy with my daughter; how I'm tired, not cleaning except for the dishes (and my body, when need be), how thank-you letters addressed only to Tarzan set me off. She asks how I've been doing with my diabetes, if I'm eating a lot of chocolate. I say No, what I've been eating lately has been starches, you know, chips, muffins, pasta, bread, etc. (Did I mention she's a smart cookie too?) Well she says there's a lot of seratonin in these particular starches. As we know, seratonin is the magical little natural drug that makes us happy. She says she suspects I'm self-medicating my depression as my pills aren't cutting it.
Recommendation:
1) Call my pdoc Monday morning & either get in to see him or get him to change meds.
2) Walk quickly 5 minutes one way, then back again. (If I want, I can do more)

Meds. This means they're going to change my meds. I take 2 for bipolar disorder: anti-depressant and mood stabilizers. The mood stabilizers, which are Neurontin , will NEVER change. It took too long to find the right one & they work perfectly for me. But the anti-depressant, UGH...how I dread this. I've been on Paxil, Prozac, Welbutrin, Effexor, Depakote, Lamictal, Zoloft (I think) and who knows what else. Some of those I mentioned are mood stabililzers; I just can't remember which. I've heard of Seroquel, I don't know if it's a mood stabilizer or an anti-depressant. I've seen Lexapro. Where you ask? It's on the foam soap in the bathroom and it's emblem is all over the paper towels at the p-doc's office. (my p-doc & t-doc use the same office)
The last time I went through this change, my life was turned upside down. The problem with finding the right 'cocktail' for each person is, you usual can't tell for 4-6 weeks if it's working or not. A lot of times you also have to have a period where you aren't taking your old medicine or your new medicine, as they can cause big problems if they overlap. So as you can probably imagine, having to try, lets say 4 anti-depressants could take up to 7 weeks each, meaning the possibility of being jacked up mentally for 28 weeks. 7 months is a LONG time.
This will be a first time that I've gone through these changes as a Blogger. That should have great significance as there are probably over 30 bipolar bloggers that I know. Any input offered will be valued at least 10 times more than input from some drug company that cares about nothing more than the almighty dollar. Oh, and putting their name on the paper towels I'll use.
I called Tarzan & explained, gave him a 1/2 ass apology. Then realized since I was a 100% bitch, the least I can do is give him a real apology and I did. My T-doc says my house isn't shrinking & I'm not bulging out of it, since I'm depressed, it just feels like it.
I've had agitated depression once before; I think that's what type this must be again. While I'm pretty comfortable with depression, as odd as that may sound, it's like welcoming an old friend back in many ways, I'm the opposite with agitated depression. Nothing feels right. I'm even more uncomfortable in my own skin than normal. I worry. Assume the worse. Blah. Blah. Fucking Blah.
I'm always helped when I know what the problem is, at least that way I can deal with it head on. I'm hoping, expecting and planning on this situation getting better from here out. Hopefully.

ps...please take a few minutes to click on over to my new tenant this week, BloggoChicago. Barb is a fellow bipolar blogger and her link is in the 'rent my blog' space on my right sidebar.

psps...Is anybody taking LEXAPRO? If so, would you please let me know what you like/dislike about it. And what, if any, side effects you've had. Thanks!

posted by jane at 2:03 AM

Friday, December 30, 2005

Cabanas in Corona

WARNING: This is a post about nothing but bitching. It bears no redeeming qualities & it exposes a rather uglier side of me. Not only have I been bitching about everything; I've been a total bitch at home too. The reasons aren't exactly clear, well some are.
We live in this 700 sq. ft. condo that has a total of 3 windows, none with a view to speak of. Our belongings are literally bursting out of the seams & I've had to throw things away just to make room to store other things. The closets are stacked with containers as high as they go,under the bed is completely stuffed with boxed items. We've just outgrown this place. Problem is: this place which was once $70,000, is now about $250,000. That's good for us, but that means everything else has gone too. I did find a 935 sq. ft. home built in 1925 for $369,000, but haven't told Tarzan. (That would violate my silent protest)

You see, I'm staging a silent protest. (Yes, I know most men would love silent protests) It's extremely difficult for me, the girl who couldn't be quiet for 5 minutes even when paid, to do this! Last night I didn't even make dinner. Fortunately there were some sweet tamales in the freezer he heated up. I didn't eat dinner but instead went into the bedroom around 7pm, read the newspaper, then read a book & fell asleep.
Tarzan always kisses me when he goes to work. Although I'm asleep, he'll keep kissing me until he sees a smile & then he goes on his way. I woke up not remembering a kiss, so I called him, very business like. "Did you kiss me this morning?" Him: "No, you're mad at me. I don't know what to do." Me: "That's all I wanted to know, if you kissed me or not." No kiss today.
No kiss today. My heart is crushed & my day is ruined. But I can't apologize dammit. This protest has to mean something. Somehow we have to get out of this 'box' that we live in. Don't mistake me for the type that wants to keep up with the Joneses'; I don't. I've told him I'd even be satisfied with a 2 bedroom in this same complex. I have re-organized this place more times than I can count. Just MORE space. I even said I'm moving out. Well, to where? There are no cabanas on the beaches of Corona. That's probably because there are no beaches in Corona. Could you even picture Jane at a Cabana without Tarzan? I shudder at the thought.
I love Tarzan & in reality, never want to leave him. My biggest fear is that I die in this craphole. And if I do, I'm coming back to haunt him, especially if he should get a new girlfriend & they move somewhere bigger!
I have a T-doc appt. in an hour or so, you'd think that's good. Not necessarily. She's not the type to let me ramble in my own self-pity. She'll probably stop me dead in my tracks, make me list the real possibilities of the situation & accept them. SHIT.
Still though, if I apologize for this (for being silent? No, for bitching) he may forget how desperately I wantneed to move. And of course we can't forget, after my therapy appt., this post will most likely be coming down.

posted by jane at 10:20 AM

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Finally Fitting In

I was listening to the radio yesterday; the talk host mentioned people who are on SSDI (permanent disability) for reasons he scoffed at. One of those reasons he cited was, "It rained last Thursday so I'm depressed forever." While he was obviously being sarcastic & gave a very specific scenario, I knew what he meant. I'm guessing other people who are mentally ill also recognize this sarcastic tone. The host's point was, why can't you go out & wash dishes? Do something. If you can walk, talk, see, you can work! So many callers agreed with his attitude. This concerns me.

What also concerns me is the recent shootings of 2 mentally ill men. I'm not writing this to debate whether the shootings were justified or not; I'm mentioning this to discuss the public's attitude towards them. There is a certain snide attitude that quickly arises if you fess up to being mentally ill; it's as though you must think you're a victim, like life owes you. That couldn't be farther from the truth. While I realize not everybody feels this way, after listening to the television & talk-radio on these topics, add in my personal experiences; my conclusion is that a majority do share this prejudicial view. This is really a no-win situation because it means I'm either faking it just to get SSDI or, if I'm really mentally ill, our relationship will never be the same again because I'm mentally ill. Once they know, their body language, expressions & words become quite transparent, but they must think they hide it well, or that I'm an idiot.

It seems we've become a 'Survival of the Fittest' society. I've found this true from within my own family & it's one of the reasons I no longer tell people I'm on permanent disability or have a mental illness. Whenever I have, the next question is usually, "What did you have to do to get on it?" All they really care about is why you aren't working. They want me to explain why not, how long I worked, what I did, etc. I refuse to play their retard & go there with them.
I don't mind discussing it with someone who sincerely wants to know more about bipolar disorder, about my diagnosis & what led to it, but for the most part, when it comes to mental illness, people aren't sincere.

In the real world, I'm a very different person. I go out as rarely as possible, do my thing & come home. To look at me, nobody would know there's anything different. Mental illness is an invisible disease that some think exists only in our heads. Well, guess what? It does.
If by chance someone reads this who is prejudice towards those of us who are mentally ill, I hope you will be honest with yourself and at least think about reconsidering your preconceived notions.

I remember last August, a day or so before I was admitted to the hospital, I was in the grocery store parking lot & almost went up to a lady and said, "I'm going to commit suicide today." It wasn't that I wanted to shock her, I just so desperately wanted to tell somebody, anybody the state of my despair.
Besides my visit to the mental hospital in August, the blogging world is the only place I've ever been able to be myself. It's the only place I've felt accepted & valued. I 'fit in' here. I've developed relationships with bipolar and non-bipolar friends and I must say, I don't feel judged by anybody.
The Blogosphere puts us all on an equal playing field. I never posted an appropriate holiday post expressing my gratitude for the friends I've made via blogging, so let me take this opportunity to say this: I consider myself fortunate to be a part of this lovely community and if you're reading this, I am sincerely grateful that we've crossed paths. I hope you have a healthy, safe & prosperous 2006.

Peace

posted by jane at 10:23 PM

Bad Day

This is a bad day. I don't know why it is, it just is. There are tears built up inside of me that want to come out.
My son went to his dads on Christmas Eve around noon. He was supposed to go to my mom's by 8 or 9pm. But as usual, they started a poker game so he didn't call or show up. He was supposed to go with Tarzan & I to Tarzan's family Christmas Day; again, no call, no show. Why? Because they gambled until 3am & then he slept in. The kicker of this is, his dad hasn't even been in his fucking life but for a few years. The reason his dad wasn't in his life was because he chose NOT to be. But now, my mom, myself & my daughter are like chopped fucking liver?
To add insult to injury, their dad bought the son gifts, but not for our daughter. He's always been like that & while I had compassion for him for a few months, I've totally exhausted any human compassion for that jackass. My kids live together, doesn't the moron realize the son will bring his gifts and money home & my daughter will be hurt? She says she's written her dad off, this is from before. Still though, as a parent, I still sent my son's gifts home with daughter, even though he didn't spend anytime with us at Christmas. This brings back memories of how he's always showed favoritism towards our son. Why? Just because he's a male. He used to be antagonistic towards her. She says it doesn't bother her, but it hurts to see someone treat her like this.
I want to tell my son something for not showing up, but he's been doing so well lately, I remind myself how far he's come. He came by yesterday, apologized & gave me a card with a dinner date on it.
I'm angry about something else too. We are trying to find a new home for Cheeta. I'm putting this in writing right now just to help me come to terms with it. My feelings are too many to write. I'll put it in another post probably sometime soon.
My insecurities & paranoia are peaking. I think people are talking behind my back, seeing the 'bad' me. I'm not depressed, but not energetic in the least bit and the last thing I want is advice on how to 'snap out of it'. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just feeling a bit exhausted with life. Sometimes life just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Today is just a bad fucking day. I'd like to fall asleep & wake up in March.

posted by jane at 9:58 AM

Monday, December 26, 2005

Mother of the Year: Lydia, the Bird

Once upon a time, there was a frigate named Lydia that lived on Christmas Island with her baby. One day, there was no food for the baby, so Lydia went to find some. Leaving her baby with her partner, Lydia set flight on a record breaking journey and wouldn't return for another 26 days.
Frigates are an endangered species of birds that breed only on Christmas Island, located in the Indian Ocean somewhere between Australia & Jakarta. In the past 20 years their population has decreased by 10%. The birds are black and white scavengers with pink beaks, a forked tail & wingspans up to 8 feet. Adult males are all black and during mating season, their throat pouch turns a radiant red.
Lydia took flight from Christmas Island on Oct. 18, 2005. After flying over the sea for 8 days, she circled back, flew over Christmas Island then between Java & Sumatra Islands. She then journeyed over Belitung, Bangia and Borneo Islands before flying across Java on her way home. Although she's a seabird, she also flew over volcanos. She returned home on Nov. 14, at which time she most likely regurgitated a meal for the baby. According to scientists, she travelled a record-breaking 2,485 non-stop miles.
Lydia is one of the first frigates fitted with a GPS device. The device measures about 2.5 inches long by 1 inch wide, with an eight inch antenna attached by a harness. Tracking the birds gives scientists much needed data on their flight paths & feeding patterns.

According to David James, this recent flight has scientists puzzled about a couple of things:
Does this mean Christmas Island's fish resources have become inadequate for frigates?
Could her long flight be an indicator as to why the frigate population is declining?

Previously frigates had been known to travel only a few hundred miles from their nest. While this wasn't the longest flight for a bird; it was the longest flight for a frigate. Birdlife International claims a gray-headed albatross once flew for 46 days.

Technorati tags: frigate, christmas island, australia, jakarta, java, sumatra, belitung, bangia, borneo, gps, david james, birdlife international, albatross

posted by jane at 10:31 AM

Sunday, December 25, 2005

The Shuttered Eye

The Shuttered Eye, my tenant featured in my top right sidebar, has recently been nominated for The Best of Blogs in the best photo/poetry/art blog category. If you're curious as to why, click on his blog logo & check out his photography. Be sure to leave him a comment or compliment, just make sure you visit to see what all the hoopla is about!
Trust me, I've got excellent taste.

posted by jane at 6:28 PM

Friday, December 23, 2005

Picture This

Every so often we come across a blog that catches our attention & doesn't let go. When I first saw The Shuttered Eye photo blog, that's the exact impact it had on me. I'm not sure if he's a professional photographer, but if he's not, he should be. If you scroll down a bit you'll find his Christmas collection of photos. The little girl in these is his daughter & the love he has for her, while not said in exact words, it's perfectly evident by the photos. She's the apple of his eye!
I won't continue trying to describe a photo blog with my words; there's no way to do it justice. I hope you will help me welcome The Shuttered Eye by clicking on his rent-my-blog link on my right sidebar.

Merry Everything!

posted by jane at 12:25 PM

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

This n That

Are you infosnacking? If you don't know what I mean, don't feel bad, not many people do. Infosnacking is Webster's New World College Dictionary's 2005 Word of the Year. What does it mean? Checking email, Googling sports scores, shopping online and surfing the latest headlines. So, are you?

S-O-C-K-S Here is a quick Spanish lesson. Say the letters S-O-C-K-S and you're spreaking Spanish. In Spanish "eso si que es" means "It is what it is." See, now you know a Spanish phrase.

Gary Moore, a realtor in California, got tired of all the credit card applications he was receiving. He returned one of the applications, but the name on the application wasn't Gary Moore, the name he submitted in jest was 'Never Waste A Tree'. To Mr. Moore's surprise, Never Waste Tree was granted a credit card from Chase Visa. Chase declined to comment.

What do you get for someone who has everything? If they already have their pets all dolled up & have all the gadgets one can buy, why not consider getting them a Roombud? What's a Roombud? It's a costume for a Roomba! To view the costumes, click here.

* I removed the bit about Dan, as our rent-my-blog campaign has expired. Dan, it was a BLAST! Who wants to be the next sucker tenant?

Technorati tags: roombud, roomba, Spanish, infosnacking, websters dictionary, word of the year, gary moore, never waste tree, chase visa, scenes from a wasted life

posted by jane at 11:42 PM

Monday, December 19, 2005

Bloggin' Boy

The other day, my tenant, Dan, wrote a post titled, "Boys of Bloggin" asking why there's not a Boys of Bloggin' blog. (just try and say that 10 times) Yes, yes, I'm sure this is Dan's way of ever-so-subtly begging us to be our Bloggin' Boy. Who knows? Maybe there are better bloggin' boys in the sea.
Mr. Stud Rockhard, Dan's pet name he gave himself, suggests that there should be a "10 Hottest Guys in Blogging" contest. Hmmm...do they have wet t-shirts? He's even opted a category for himself: "10 Tallest Most Educated Sensitively Effeminate Manic-Depressed Douchebag." I think he can do better than that.
Perhaps there really should be a Boys of Bloggin' blog. With that in mind, let me present to you the first candidate. In an effort to win your vote, he's posted his picture on his blog just for YOU to drool over. (If you're a woman, that is) ((well, men can look...he wants your vote, just not your drool))
Click on his link on my right sidebar & if Dan is your man & has your vote, why not tell Mr. Stud Rockhard himself? If you think he's hot, then let him know he's got your vote for Bloggin Boy of the Year!

posted by jane at 5:10 PM

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Favorite Christmas Memories

As a child, I remember hiding under the round living room table trying to catch a glimpse of Santa coming down the chimney. Unfortunately, I never did catch the guy, but I can vouch for this: Shortly after I'd finally lay down, without fail, I'd hear the jingle bells of Santa & his reindeer. I did look outside to see them, but I was never quick enough
There are a few favorite gifts I remember, 1 that I still have. One year I got A Thingmaker/ Creepy Crawlers. I also got Incredible Edibles. Even though the Incredible Edibles tasted horrible, they were fun to make.
When I was a few years older & we were having Christmas at our cabin in Big Bear, I asked for & got a doll that did absolutely nothing. She was the size of an infant & was beautiful. That same Christmas I got a little china tea set that had a musical teapot. I still have it to this day & will, hopefully, someday, have a granddaughter to pass it down to.
As an adult, my most memorable Christmas was in 2001 & it wasn't until Christmas night that I realized the gift. My son was driving me home & apologized for not getting me anything. It was then I realized what he had given me. He was alive! In 2000, he tried to commit suicide 4 times; he was hospitalized 3 times & was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. But this year, this particular Christmas, I told him, was the most precious gift I'd ever received.

Do you have any favorite Christmas memories?

Technorati tags: depression, bipolar disorder, suicidal, creepy crawlers, incredible edibles, big bear, christmas, holiday, memories

posted by jane at 3:05 PM

Friday, December 16, 2005

Thar's a Noo Tenant in Town! Fry mah hide!

Crystal has a post with the link to The Dialectizer & it will translate your blog post into one of many dialects. Below is my previous post translated into redneck.

This hyar week ah have th' pleasure of bein' th' Lan'lo'd t'Dan at Scenes fum a Wasted Life (though ah doesn't reckon his life is wasted). Thar is a few thin's ah find unique about his blog: Dan has recently been diagnosed wif bipolar diso'der & he talks quite frankly about how this hyar disease is affeckin' his life. Dan also is the man! Fry mah hide! Whut in tarnation does ah mean by thet? Wal, obviously he's a man, as enny fool kin plainly see. But he's a funny man wif a rather dry sense of hoomah (mah Paw had one, too) as fine as bein', fine...a man, as enny fool kin plainly see. Eff'n yo' read his post titled, "Thoughts on Sin'lehood" yo' will knows exackly whut ah mean, as enny fool kin plainly see.
On a mo'e serious note, Dan keeps it real & thass a rare quality t'find, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah have difficulty keepin' it real, but it jest makes me admire them who does even mo'e. He writes about relashunships (yeah, Ombren! Fry mah hide!), th' war an' th' lost of a loved one, jest t'name a few thin's.
See his blog logo on th' top of mah right sidebar? ah hope yo'll he'p me welcome Dan & click his logo. Trest me, eff'n yo' read his blog yo'll be a return visito' soon, as enny fool kin plainly see.
Welcome t'th' jungle, Dan!
Now hoof it viset his blog! Fry mah hide!

Yessuh, ah know, ah's a Rent-Mah-Blog ho.

posted by jane at 9:26 PM

There's a New Tenant in Town!

This week I have the pleasure of being the Landlord to Dan at Scenes from a Wasted Life (though I don't think his life is wasted). There are a few things I find unique about his blog: Dan has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder & he talks quite frankly about how this disease is affecting his life. Dan also is the man! What do I mean by that? Well, obviously he's a man. But he's a funny man with a rather dry sense of humor (my Dad had one, too) as well as being, well...a man. If you read his post titled, "Thoughts on Singlehood" you will know exactly what I mean.
On a more serious note, Dan keeps it real & that's a rare quality to find. I have difficulty keeping it real, but it just makes me admire those who do even more. He writes about relationships (yeah, Ombren!), the war and the loss of a loved one, just to name a few things.
See his blog logo on the top of my right sidebar? I hope you'll help me welcome Dan & click his logo. Trust me, if you read his blog you'll be a return visitor soon.
Welcome to the jungle, Dan!

I want to thank Tech Wench for being a most gracious landlord. She dubbed herself an evil one, but that's just a scare tactic. While I don't personally know her, 3T does & has written a post dedicated to her. I rented her blog for the week & I've gotten 73 unique clicks (that's the number that counts) and I still have a few hours to go. While she could have charged hundreds of credits, she only charged 25. She didn't mention my blog just once, but it was the topic of 2 posts.
Well, I'm just writing all this because I'm truly grateful to her and I'd write more, but I've heard she's a stickler for grammar & I'm really bad when it comes to run-on sentences.
Thanks, Tech Wench. :)

Yes, I know, I'm a Rent-My-Blog ho.

posted by jane at 4:37 PM

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Closure

I feel like this is the first time in forever that I can actually relax, respond to comments on my blog & finally start catching up on my blog list reading. I have not even attempted to do so the last few days, because I knew I could only read a few & would feel guilty about the rest. I really busted ass last night & today working on my Christmas gift bags & should meet my goal of Friday morning. Then, It's back to full-time blogging for me! :)
Note: I've got a new tenant. It's Dan!! He owns "Scenes From A Wasted Life", another of my favorite blogs. I will be writing a post dedicated to his blog tomorrow evening, but if you've got a moment, click on the blog logo at the top of my right sidebar.

Yesterday was the ceremony to scatter my aunt's ashes. There were just about 15 family members there, but it actually made it much more touching for each of us. We boarded a 3 story yacht called "The White Light" and it took us from Newport Harbor (I think it's called that) to a specific longitude/latitude in the ocean. In California, you can only dispose of human ashes in specific places. When the yacht stopped, my cousin's Pastor said a few words, very simple but meaningful. Then the skipper came & gave everybody a flower from a basket. Under the flowers was a cloth napkin, in which my aunt's ashes were. Holding on to the napkin, he released the ashes into the ocean. It was a beautiful scene that I'll never forget. The ocean water was a very deep bluish green & I could actually see her ashes as they sunk in the water, some 20-30 down. As they were going down, they looked as though they were a beautiful cloud in the sea. After, they played some music which at any other time would have been corny, but at this time & on this occasion, it was perfect. There was lots of tears & hugs but all of us felt comfortable as it was a very small circle of family.

On Saturday was Aunty's memorial service. It was held at a Catholic church & the Priest was from Ireland. The Priest knew my aunt personally, so he shared a lot about her. He referred to Aunty as a social butterfly & boy, that fit her well. He said that as we get older, the fewer people there are that attend our funeral. But then he said that didn't seem to be the case here, as there were over 200 people at her memorial. The music was beautiful, as well as the readings. A lady sang "Ave Maria" which is a song MamaGrande sang when she was alive. My cousin's daughter gave the eulogy & it was a beautiful letter she'd written to her Grandma. I don't know how she managed to read the entire letter without breaking down. When she was done, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. The service was very nice & represented quite well, who my aunt was.

Aunty passed away early on Dec. 3, 2005. I hadn't seen her since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, as she'd fallen into a slumber. I'd been bothered by the fact that the last time I saw Aunty, I said I'd be back. I wanted to keep my word to her. But I didn't know if I could handle seeing my aunt in that condition, didn't know if she'd know I was there & was afraid this memory would replace all the others. The morning of Dec. 2nd, I talked with my therapist & decided that I would visit my aunt. When I talked to Lola in the early evening, she told me Aunty had 6-24 hours to live. On Dec. 2nd, there were 8 of us there with her, as well as her nurse. She was very peaceful & amazingly, very beautiful. I did go see her with my mom in the evening. I sat by her, held her hand, kissed her cheek, memorized her face, and cried.

My cousins have given me a couple of Aunty's things. One that I asked for was a little pillow Aunty had received during a stay in the hospital some years back. That pillow was always right by her & I love having it in my room with me. Rather than have donations sent to medical charities, my cousins asked they be donated to the small church Aunty attended for so many years in Arkansas. Aunty's clothes are on their way to Poland. A 95 year old resident where Aunty lived sends clothing to her family in Poland. My aunt would love knowing her clothes & financial donations would be helping those in need. Also that they were going to the country where Pope John Paul II was from.

While Aunty was alive, I did okay writing my feelings down. Since her death, I'm having a difficult time with it. I have a difficult time when I see pictures of her before she was sick; just 3 months ago. Her being gone seems very surreal. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful she's not suffering, thankful I was able to spend so much time with her...I just miss her so much that it hurts inside. There are stories she shared & experiences about this that I haven't written about. I plan on writing about them as the proper time arises.

posted by jane at 8:10 PM

This whole Rent My Blog thing

Today is the final day that Jay of "One Way or Another" will be my tenant. As a landlord, I've enjoyed having Jay as my first ever renter. If "Rent My Blog" is a new concept to you, why don't you click on his blog (over there on the top of my right sidebar) & take a look. I believe Jay may be renting his blog to someone also. It's really quite fun & also a good way to meet other bloggers.
I wrote a previous post with all the information on "Rent My Blog" (not mine, that's just the name of the feature) If you want all the info I know about this, click here & you should see the desired post.

Jay, thank you for being a great tenant!

PSSSTT....He's half naked on his Tuesday post!!! Hurry, go peek!!

posted by jane at 12:35 AM

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Oh, Honey!

Honey is one of the world's oldest and most versatile foods. It's many benefits were known to Ancient Greeks, Romans and Egyptian Pharoahs. It is believed that Cleopatra used honey in her shampoos and skin lotion. (Did you know she also had no bodily hair? Except for the hair on her head)
More than 300 varieties of honey are produced in the U.S.A. Honeybees feed on pumpkin blossom, lavender, sunflower, wild blackberry and orange blossoms, just to name a few. Honey is also produced from alfalfa, kudzu, buckwheat and thistle. The lighter honey is more desirable & this is what's sold on store shelves. Honey that is too dark or whose taste isn't perfect, is used for ingredients in salad dressings, baking & other uses. California is the #1 producing state in the country.
Trivia:
~ Honey never spoils. It does not need to be refrigerated and can be stored unopened, indefinitely, at room temperature in a dry cupboard.
~ Honey is one of the oldest foods in existence. It was found in King Tut's tomb and was still edible.
~ Due to the high level of fructose, honey is 25 percent sweeter than table sugar.
~ Honey has different flavors and colors, depending on the location and kinds of flowers the bees visit. Climatic conditions of the area also influence its flavor and color.
~ A honeybee visits 50 to 100 flowers during one collection flight from the hive. Two million flowers must be visited to produce 1 pound of honey.
~ One bee colony can produce 60 to 100 pounds of honey per year.
~ An average worker bee makes only about 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey in it's lifetime.
~ Honey was the most-used medicine in ancient Egypt. Of the more than 900 known remedies from that time, more than 500 were honey-based.
~ Honey has as many heart-healthy antioxidants as spinach.
~ Honey is used for soothing sore throats and minor burns, speeds the healing of open wounds and combats infection.
~ The queen lays about 1200 eggs per day, about 200,000 per season
~ It takes 2 million flowers to make a pound of honey.

Click HERE to see a bee under a microscope. If you also want to see an interactive video, look for: Interactive Honey Bee Worker and click it. It's very interesting!

A few recipes ~
Honey Frosted Pumpkin Muffins

Asian Grilled Pork Tenderloin

Honey Bran Squares

Question ~ Since one bee makes only about 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey in its lifetime, how many bees does it take to make 1 pound of honey? (I don't know the answer or how to figure it out)

Technorati tags: honey, ancient greeks, romans, egyptians, pharoahs, lavender, sunflower, cleopatra, pumpkin blossom, wild blackberry, orange blossom, alfalfa, kudzu, thistle, buckwheat, california, trivia, king tut/'s tomb, fructose, antioxidants, recipes, honey frosted pumpkin muffins, asian grilled pork tenderloin, honey bran squares

posted by jane at 9:33 PM

Saturday, December 10, 2005

College Football Bowls...Wanna Bet?

There are few things in life that I enjoy as much as college football. Especially USC football! They are without a doubt, in a league of their own. While I won't go so far as to say they could beat some pro teams, others have said exactly that!
We've got a bet, oh yes we do. Who, you ask? Why, myself & Hornboy aka Craig aka CT aka ACTION!!!! Hornboy has his panties all in a bunch 'cuz he things his Texas team with the female-reproduction-diagram-logo is going to beat my very, manly (go ahead Craig, make fun of them because there name is a condom). This is a football game after all, not a knitting contest. Which would you rather be known for? The fallopian tubes or the condom?
The bet is this: I pick USC (the manly men). Hornboy foolishly picks Texas (think uterus & you won't forget them). If USC wins, which they will, Hornboy gets the honor of helping me copy & paste the USC logo to his blog, where it will remain for 4 weeks. He will also make a sticky post that I will write, praising USC and spanking The Uteri (yes, I made up that word) for even showing up in California. Then, perhaps he'll retract the taunts on his blog, telling people to come here & harrass me (poor me) and every snide, egotistical & delusional statement he's made about above-mentioned teams. (Maybe this should be added to the bet)
Now that we've got this squared away, this is where you come in. I'm going to list bowl games below & the team I pick. (Don't worry, I've got my favorites by colors, you know, girly things, so I'm not consulting Guido on these) If you want to bet for the opposing team, we're on! Only 1 bet per game. So, c'mon....put your blog where your mouth is! It's all just in good fun.

Winner gets to pick which choice they want:
Bet A
Loser promotes Winner's team on Loser's blog
and Loser promotes Winner's blog on Loser's blog
and loser demotes losing team on Loser's blog
The above 3 criteria will be in 1 post, not 3.
Post to be on blog within 24 hours of game's end.
Post must remain up for 1 day & must be approved by winner
OR
Bet B
Winner posts article on loser's blog for 1 day

Seem complicated? It's not. It's just concise to avoid any haggling after the game. If you want to bet, post it in comments. All communication will be done in comments on this post.

Games:

Las Vegas Bowl Dec.22, 2005
Cal vs. BYU (I pick Cal)

Holiday Bowl Dec. 29
Oregon vs. Oklahoma (I pick Oregon)

Sun Bowl Dec. 30
UCLA vs. Northwestern (I pick UCLA)

Peach Bowl Dec. 30
Miami vs. LSU (I pick LSU)

Liberty Bowl Dec. 31
Tulsa vs. Fresno State (I pick Fresno State)

Fiesta Bowl Jan. 2
Notre Dame vs. Ohio State (I pick Notre Dame)

Cotton Bowl Jan. 2
Texas Tech vs. Alabama (I pick 'bama for Jil's brother!)

Orange Bowl Jan. 3
Florida State vs. Penn State (I pick Penn State)

Rose Bowl Jan. 4 ~ This bet is taken by Hornboy
USC (men) vs. Texas (boys) (I pick USC)

Click here for college football bowls information.
Here's another source for bowl games.

A big Huge thank-you to Natalie who helped me. She's also written an excellent post about the Bowl games & her blog is absolutely worth visiting. Thanks again, Natalie! :)

Technorati tags: football, usc, texas, trojans, longhorns, las vegas bowl, holiday bowl, sun bowl, independence bowl, peach bowl,liberty bowl, fiesta bowl, orange bowl, rose bowl, hornboy, cotton bowl

posted by jane at 2:12 AM

Thursday, December 08, 2005

THIS 'N THAT

Do you have penis envy? Are you worried that you or someone you love may be becoming depressed? Maybe you're a movie buff? When it comes to telling jokes, do you bomb? Do you like shopping online & need a Christmas tree? Hate phone call centers & their never ending call trees? Got a soft spot in your heart for kittys? Are you looking for a great new blog to read? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then I've got a topic for you!

Perhaps you don't even have a penis, but after this, I bet we ALL have penis envy.
A Californian man (of course, California...why always us?) pulled a truck with his penis. Do NOT re-read that, you did read it correctly. He tied a strip around his penis & testicles (this is hurting & I don't even have these) and then, his assistant kicked him between the legs (isn't that IN THE BALLS?). According to Cheeseball.org, "Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng, best known for his Iron Crotch pulled a truck several yards" And all this by penis strength alone. To see a picture of it & read more of the story, click here.

The Families for Depression Awareness have created a kit that is being distributed upon request. The Adult Monitoring Kit contains diaries, worksheets & other tools. In order to qualify for the free kits, you must agree to participate in the pilot project & will be asked to complete a survey, in order to evaluate the kit so that it may be improved. If you're interested, the site is www.familyaware.org.

Are you a movie buff? I know of 1 blogger that ought to love this. HugeMovieQuiz.com offers 3907 trivia questions about movies. How good are you? Wanna find out? Sure, you do. Then go here

My oldest brother sucks at telling jokes. Sometimes, I do too. But if you want to be a good joke teller, Doug Worgul has been kind enough to post some tips on joke telling. Is it an art? Or just smarts? When you check this out & find out, will you come back & tell us?

Are you "Everything Christmas" and "Everything Internet" ? If so, this may be the perfect Christmas Tree Farm for you. Santa will actually deliver these beautiful trees to your door. Is this right up your alley? Great! Here's the link.

Do you get Grinchy when you get stuck in those darn phone trees? You know, when you call a utility company, airline, credit card company that says, "Your call is important to us. For English press one. For Customer Service press 2, for Technical support press 3"....you get the idea. Well, thanks to Paul English who has created a cheat sheet for those of us who have to deal with these entities. You can just go to his website & print the list. Next time you call AT&T rewards & want to speak to a human, just press # # #. Don't believe me? Then click here & I'll make a believer out of you.

Emily is a cute cat, who became a stowaway cat, on a Continental Airlines flight. In late September, she wandered from her Appleton, Wis., home & into a shipping container. On October 24, she was found in Nancy, France & with the help of her tags, her Vet was contacted. Once the airline found out, they offered to fly her home after she passed the mandatory 1 month quarantine. She's home now & I doubt she'll be wandering very far. You can see Emily giving a press conference here.

See the top right of my sidebar? That is Jay's blog, One Way or Another. Jay is my temporary tenant & also a blog I enjoy reading. You can visit his blog by clicking on the blog image & I'm pretty sure you'll be glad you did.

Technorati tags: penis envy, depression, movies, penis, Tu Jin-Sheng, trivia, jokes, christmas, internet, paul english, continental airlines, wisconsin, appleton, nancy, france, quarantine

posted by jane at 9:04 PM

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Please Welcome "One Way or Another"

Well folks, I have taken the plunge! I've rented my blog & put in my request to rent someone's blog. And I have my first renter and guess who it is? It's JAY!!! I love Jay! I've been reading his blog for quite some time now & he's on my blog list too, but now you'll be seeing Jay right there at the top of my right sidebar for 7 days!
Of course, I got all excited to see that I had an offer & I kept crossing my fingers that it was somebody I already knew & sure enough, it was!
Jay's blog is a bit of this & a bit of that. He shows some skin on 1 entry, shows his cat on another & today's post is appropriately about Pearl Harbor. Please click on his blog over to the right & say HI to Jay. You'll be glad you did.

RENT MY BLOG ~ Since some of you have asked about "Rent My Blog" I felt this was a good place to explain it. First of all, you would join Blog Explosion. B.E. is a free traffic site, which means it's a place for you to 'surf' blogs while at the same time, earning credits, which will in turn, bring visitors to your blog. It's a good way to find blogs you like & want to frequent. Others will find your blog the same way.

Once signed up, visit "Rent My Blog." Here you will find the information about how to rent your space out, or to rent someone else's blog space. It's very easy & for as little as 10 credits you can rent a space. When renting out your own blog, you can rent it from 10-500 credits & the rental time is 7 days.
You earn credits by surfing other blogs, or you can also purchase credits, for just $5.00 you can buy 500 credits.
There is a very practical feature on this site that I use every time I put up a new post: Ping My Blog notifies a multitude of blog search engines that you've updated your blog. If you want to find out the significance of these, check out Technorati.
If you do join, make sure you check out these fun features too:
Blog Rocket, Battle of the Blogs, Scratch Cards (be careful, this one is addicting!) There is a new addition to B.E. games, it's Suduko!
There are also links to 3 other free traffic sites: Blogazoo, Blog Clicker & Blog Advance.

Everything I've mentioned is free & can introduce you to some of your future best blog buddies. I hope this helps. :)

Technorati tags: one way or another, technorati, blog explosion,
blogazoo, blog clicker, blog advance, blog rocket, battle of the blogs, ping my blog, rent my blog, traffic sites, search engine, sudoku

posted by jane at 8:12 PM

Monday, December 05, 2005

War of the Words

This year's Christmas buzz isn't in the eggnog, it's in how we're greeted by retailers. This season, there is much ado about whether "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" is said. Is it that "Happy Holidays" is politically correct? Is it the final nail in the coffin that Secular Humanism has, at last, done away with Christmas? Or could it be that acknowledging other customs during this time is also appropriate? Personally, I prefer "Happy Holidays" because it refers to the entire holiday season from Thanksgiving to New Years. The in-between may include Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.
The present argument is that there's a movement to take Christmas away. Rev. Jerry Falwell states, "It's time we join together and protect Christmas from the secular Grinches who want to stifle its celebration in public venues throughout our nation." I find this laughable. First of all, Mr. Falwell can't even complete this sentence without using a secular term: Grinches. What he fails to recognize is that bigger celebrations equal bigger profits for retailers. And what do retailers want? It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure that one out. Sure, retailers will probably cave in & say "Merry Christmas." And then they'll laugh their merry selves all the way to the bank!

Consider for a moment that on Dec.31, 1931, Gandhi said, "I have never been able to reconcile myself to the gaieties of the Christmas season. They have appeared to me to be so inconsistent with the life and teaching of Jesus." What exactly does shopping & receiving gifts have to do with the birth of Jesus? Why do people feel as though they should be receiving anything for His birthday? Isn't Jesus the gift?

If keeping Christ in Christmas is the real motive, shouldn't the puritans who are outraged, celebrate it more like the Amish do? Or not celebrate as Jehovah's Witnesses do? Afterall, where in the bible does it say to exchange gifts on Christmas? If the gifts are out of gladness for the birth of Christ, wouldn't it be more appropriate to give gifts to say, Jesus' starving children? Or helping the homeless or sick as opposed to lavishing ourselves with simply more?

If I were a Christian, which I no longer am, I would be glad that retailers are at least being honest. Their greetings never were about Jesus, some just felt better because they thought they were. The retail business has & always will be about money.
My point is there should be no correlation between the birth of the Christ & shopping sprees. If Jesus is really the reason for the season, isn't the responsibility of keeping Christmas a holy day and not a retail event a personal one?

Season's Greetings!

Technorati tags: christmas, hanukkah, kwanzaa, retailer, bible, secular humanism, Christian, jehovahs witness, amish, jerry falwell, jesus christ, gandhi, grinch, merry christmas, happy holidays

posted by jane at 9:59 PM

Friday, December 02, 2005

Tia Bertita 1920-2005

I was notified this morning that Aunty passed away peacefully this morning, December 3, 2005 around 12:45 am. While I posted this entry prior to her passing, this is so appropriate for her; it's how she lived her life. Our family is doing exceptionally well & we all feel a sense of relief for Aunty. I'm doing very well & there are a number of family members (including Tarzan) I can talk to if I need. Please don't feel sad for her, or for us. She is at peace & we're thankful she is. God answered all the prayers. Your words of encouragement & support have truly been the wind beneath my wings. I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude to all. Be Blessed. Peace.


ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway!

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat on you;
Be honest and frank anyways!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway!

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway!

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see..in the final analysis it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them 'anyway'.

(These lines were found written up in Mother Theresa's own handwriting on her wall by her bed after she died.)

I want to thank each & every one of you that have expressed condolences. If it were possible to send you each a card of gratitude, I would. Your thoughts & prayers have helped me tremendously & I'm touched by every comment.
Sincerely,
Jane

posted by jane at 9:50 PM